Aries: Everyone makes mistakes, but know that they are always your own. Nobody can fuck up for you.
Taurus: Two people broken in opposing ways can group up to form terrifyingly effective teams. Find someone who compliments your madness.
Gemini: Indecision can be easily dispelled with an airhorn.
Cancer: The stars know you have a lot riding on this. The sparkle will eventually face, but know that caring for that luster will bring the purpose you desire
Leo: Human things are not perfect. Perfect things are not human. Fear this.
Virgo: [Todays horoscope only exists when it is not being observed]
Libra: The remains of a sunken ship lie dormant beneath your home. The old wood rots, releasing the memories trapped inside.
Scorpio: Your blood runs white with truth.
Ophiuchus: Tonight victory can be found within rhythm guitar and waves of golden holy fire.
Sagittarius: Things seem odd? Little off kilter? Out of sorts? Just you wait. Things are about to get so much stranger.
Capricorn: Chase your dreams into the woods and teat their throat out.
Aquarius: Your business is your own. All a nosy question begets is an unsettling answer or blank silence.
Pisces: Just when you least expect it, love will tear itself, fully grown, from Zeus’s forehead.
This is my favorite one yet.
*coughs*
My horiscope is in, I see
I’m a gosh darn weeping angel.
Interesting to see Ophiuchus included. All my time it’s been an extra-zodiac modifier, and not an actual sign.
people include ophiuchus bc they think astrology is based off of constellations instead of, u kno, the equatorial belt and the changing of the seasons
but hey no harm just?? adding a thirteenth month right??? u can easily divide 13 into 4 seasons??? right?????
SEE THE REASON I ADD OPHIUCHUS IS BECAUSE FUCK YOU I GET TO MAKE THE RULES
YOUR ADHERENCE TO WESTERN RADIAL MATHEMATICS IS PATHETIC AND CLOSE MINDED
Normal Horoscope:
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