hi i have seen a lot of people talk about how they’d describe this but the truth is that (in my opinion) there’s a lot of stylistic choices here that i just want to talk about for a hot second 🙂 just some ways of thinking about it? that might help you get unstuck?
is your book even the kind of book that has long paragraphs of description? if you’re seeing something beautiful, you can just say, “there was a beautiful green and flowering field with a nice lake, a rolling fog, and mountains beyond” and let people make their own assumptions about what it looks like and movetf on.
“no raquel i really like long paragraphs.” okay time to get into The Senses. imagine yourself there. what would the grass feel like underfoot? is it soft, well-watered, or is it crunchy? do the flowers smell like death or do they smell good? is that fog or the gunsmoke from beyond the frame? are the mountains something to be passed over or surveyed? walk through all the senses. i really like adding smell because it’s the one most tangibly connected to memory (look it up). if i say “the field was green and smelled of wildflowers” that’s something connected to your senses. if i say “the lake, although still, reeked of blood” this is a whole different type of story. senses matter!
on that note, think about the poetry of it. are you the person who just says “clouds” or “rolling fog”? it’s okay if you’re either! i often switch between the two, because i don’t like long descriptions in my pieces and i don’t know why. and the tone of your piece should define that. if this is looking back on a fond memory, it should maybe be airy, light, full of “gentle, sun-kissed flowers” and “lambs-wool grass.” metaphors and similes and lots of fun things. but if it’s something like … this is a place we’re spending 12 seconds in during the story, don’t? bother? wasting your time? maybe the tone is being rushed, you’re looking out a train window and only get a glimpse. close your eyes and write what 12 seconds would give you in memory – a morose “it was beautiful out there, green and full of water and fog, mountains on the border” or a weary, “out there, in the fields and clouds and mountains”. see how even a few words changes tone?
sometimes there’s such a thing as trying too hard. plopping a word like “verdant” casually in there? great. when it’s “verdant green and crimson red flowers” etc it gets really tiring to write and read. make either your descriptions interesting with unusual terms – “bloodmoon red” idk – or stop driving yourself wild with more ways to say “beautiful.” say it and move on. this is also where tone is important – “verdant green and soft, whispering red flowers” is different than “violent green, with flowers shining in bloodspills upon it”. tone is …. crucial in expression.
i personally hate long descriptions. if you read half my stories, i straight up won’t describe things, because i don’t want to. here’s what i do instead: character-led discovery. instead of the narrator walking us through it, we discover it w/the characters, making it a little less outside of the story and a little more fluid. “he sat on the verdant grass, his fingers reaching to pick one of the many wildflowers. his head tilted to let the sun on his face, watching the clouds move at the foot of the mountains beyond.” aww so sweet 🙂 for me this is even like. more description than usual? because honestly unless these mountains gonn be important, who cares.
secondarily this is more what i think of when people say “show not tell” because everyone always stops at the senses but you gotta show like… how do your People interact with it. example: i’m colorblind. how i interact w/this gorgeousness is totally different.
but then you can also like ? let your characters literally do it for you:
“It was a field,” she shrugged, “It was like, super green and flowery and shit. I don’t know. there were clouds clouding along and mountainous mountains. what do you want from me. i felt like a deer frolicking in the got damb meadow come to dip my little deer nose into the nice little lake.” she slumped over. “i’m tired,” she added.”
literally let them talk for you. let them have your voice and say what you want the audience to get. “dude come look at this lake. it’s like. got a little halo of grass and flowers shit is so got damb cute” “nah man look at the mountains” “you’re all wrong check the ghost-clouds” “woooahhhh” actually works, and dialogue is a million times more fun to read and write (imho only tho) than like lines and lines of trying to force people to see what you see
on that note, unless it’s crucial people do see what you see? give up. let them figure it out on their own. watch a new scene: “she swore and went back for her shoe, dangling useless in the sewer grate, trying to keep her stocking foot aloft as she navigated the crowded sidewalk.” chances are, many of you saw a different shoe. in my head, it’s a red heel, but it’s not about the color – it’s about her being stuck w/out it. many of you probably naturally filled in the gaps – she’s in the city, she’s frustrated, her stockings means she’s not wearing pants (probably a skirt), the shoe getting stuck in the grate implies a heel, and, wherever she is, it’s crowded. she also looks like a pigeon in my head while she tries to work back to her shoe – but we don’t need to be told that, because our brains fill it in. if my piece was about that single red shoe, i’d name it. if it’s about how her day is going wrong? don’t bother.
sometimes it’s not you, it’s the scene. if the story don’t naturally take you there, it might be telling you – just hang on a dandy second, they wouldn’t go here. “but i want bella and edward in the field kissing” okay my guy. chill. take a second and ask – hey do i need to just skip this and move on? do i need to have them take a second? “bella, come with me,” he begged. she stared at him. “I’m not getting murdered,” she replied” – now that would have been some believable dialogue.
worst comes to worst, try it in a different style. if you’re usually all quick facts, elaborate more. if you’re usually paragraphs, have edward beg her to come by describing it through dialogue. help you and your story stay fresh with interesting techniques.
okay good luck out there. go write beautiful meadows that are more than just green or maybe just green and that’s enough for me. 🙂
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