Month: October 2018

lasrina:

somewhereinthebetween:

vortexsophia:

catchymemes:

What vets do behind closed doors

i was so afraid i was going to scroll and it was going to be bad. i feel way better

Can confirm.

Me: *surrenders tiny corgi puppy to vet tech who takes him to the back room for routine shots*

Me: *waits nervously* Oh no, they found something really bad

Vet tech: *returns with puppy*

Me: is hE OKAY

Vet tech: Oh! Yeah! He’s great! He did great!

Me: Oh thank God, I was getting really worried.

Vet tech: …

Vet tech: We had to let everyone pet him

hatingongodot:

hatingongodot:

I asked my brother to stop playing Fortnite and to go to bed because it was late and we need to get up early tomorrow. He told me to go away and leave him alone

Normally I’d have yelled at him but the parenting book I’m reading about troubled teens says I need to not do that, so instead I turned on every wifi-connected device in the house and started streaming about ten videos and downloading 30 new podcasts and now he’s screaming at the screen

“DUDE I DON’T KNOW WHY MY INTERNET IS ACTING LIKE THIS?? WHAT’S HAPPENING” parenting is happening

Normal Horoscope:

normal-horoscopes:

Aries: It weighs you down. With weight comes momentum. Be an emotional sumo wrestler.

Taurus: Fear the improperly constructed ikea bookshelf. Those who can make working furniture with no instruction are not to be trifled with. Who knows what they could do.

Gemini: A pestilence of violins.

Cancer: The modern world has given birth to a new breed of arcane. You must be careful.

Leo: A common metal wastebasket worn as a helmet makes excellent defense against slashing weapons. This information will be critical.

Virgo: I asked a star for your fortune but all they did was recite the entire script of the godfather II really really fast.

Libra: Death is a gift. A shit gift, but a gift.

Scorpio: Hyperawareness will only show you things you really shouldn’t see, things you cant really comprehend. Not many last long like that.

Ophiuchus: The familiar is safe, comfortable. There is kindness to perfectionism. There is greater adventure still in failure. Do another shot.

Sagittarius: What? Are you just gonna lie there and wait for another steamroller? 

Capricorn: Get up early, get donuts for breakfast, watch a hardware store burn down while you finish your coffee. Who knows what the day has for you.

Aquarius: You are there, ever fleeting.

Pisces: Your guardian may be a twisted broken thing, but it protects you all the same. Do it a favor and dont look directly at it. Its shy.