this is a huge reason why lesbians can go years just not figuring out that they aren’t attracted to men. when your whole understanding of attraction is “objectifying yourself to the point that you understand intimacy as a performance to be the perfect sexual object for a man” then the question of who and what you desire isn’t even being asked- let alone answered.
a few years back, i read “cinderella ate my daughter" by peggy orenstein (which is an interesting sort of crash course on the ways in which gender roles are really impressed on children through media, capitalism, toys, etc.). I read it like 5 years ago so if I get anything wrong, forgive me; I don’t own the book so I can’t consult it.
but one thing that really stuck with me was a part where the author speaks with (I believe) a child psychologist, and they talk about sexuality of teenage girls. one thing the psychologist mentions is that, when talking about sex, sexual attraction, etc, girls will frame it in terms of how they look, rather than how they feel when asked about their feelings (emotional and physical): “I feel like I look sexy, I look hot, etc,”. from the onset of experiencing sexuality, etc (which really means, going back to childhood, because girls are really bombarded by objectification from the time they’re tiny), girls are already alienated from their own bodies and sense of what feels good, right, or okay.
no wonder the process of realizing you’re a lesbian can be so difficult; it’s also no wonder that we have so many women who look back and say it took them years to realize that what happened to them was sexual assault, or who look back and say that they weren’t happy or satisfied in relationships but stayed in them anyway, or that women are so constantly critical of their appearances in everything they do. all of it comes down to the fact that women are so alienated from their own bodies, feelings, and experiences. monitoring how you look constantly really creates such a distance between you and your actual life, it takes you out of the moment, it makes it difficult to judge your actual feelings, or create boundaries, or bond genuinely with others, or have positive experiences free of self-criticism.
Concept: That scene in every 90s high school movie where someone shows the new kid around the cafeteria (”that table is the nerds, those are the jocks, the goths, the cheerleeders” etc) except it’s a medieval tavern and each table has a different d&d class.
Those are the arcane casters. They all sit together, but the wizards think the sorcerers are undisciplined cheaters and the sorcerers think the wizards are pretentious dicks. You don’t wanna get in the middle of that–the last person who tried got polymorphed into a toad. I guess he had a lot of debts he was looking to get out of, though, so he just rolled with it. He’s somebody’s familiar now, I think.
The bards used to sit with them, but they broke off a while ago to do their own thing. Look, I should tell you right now: you’re poetically gonna sleep with at least one of them. It’s happened to most of us, so don’t be embarrassed. If you’re lucky, you might get away with just a ballad to your beauty parodying an 80s rock hit.
The paladins are at the next table over. Religious freaks, but if you’re getting bullied they’ll have your back even if they don’t know you. You, uh…you might end up sleeping with some of them, too. Look, they’re really good listeners, okay? Whatever.
The druids. Don’t even THINK of trying to sit with them unless you’re rocking a negative carbon footprint. Or if you can turn into a bear or a slow loris or something, they love that shit.
You can’t turn flirting into a complicated “game” that makes no sense and then throw a hissy fit when some men get confused.
giving minimal attention isn’t complicated lol
As a guy who has no idea how that “game” works, yes it is. Especially when a lot of girls do the “play hard to get” crap. Men aren’t fucking mind readers. My solution though, is rather simple. I’ll take it all at face value. I don’t play that stupid game. You play hard to get? Sorry, I’m gonna play dumb. You can fuck off or just come clean.
I mean, thankfully it doesn’t matter for me because I met my awesome GF and she cared as little for the “game” as I did. But it still annoys me when people play this game and this bitch when a guy gets the wrong idea. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
guess what! emotional attention isn’t flirting!
Guess what! For some girls it is!
You must be real fun at parties
I’m not bad at parties. The way I deal with this kinda shit is I just assume I’m not being flirted with until they make it obvious. I’m not very interested in playing the game so I essentially ignore any attempts to play it. My bigger problem at parties is that I’m not very good at breaking into conversations.
Stop being mad at men for not understanding you’re stupid game. If you don’t want stupid prizes, stop playing stupid games. I think it’s dumb when men play along with games they are unable to know how to play because they can end up getting it wrong, but don’t blame them for trying to play. If they get pissy at you and insult you and shit when they figure out you weren’t flirting then fine (although if you intentionally lead a guy on for attention then fuck you but that’s a different issue), they were wrong. But don’t blame a guy for getting confused.
Basic emotional attention isn’t flirting. not that hard a concept.
What bothers me about this mindset is:
1. When multiple women say something about women and one man bravely decides He is right.
2. The insistence that women play games as a method of flirting and throw tantrums when men are confused. Because women are these darn, irrational, temperamental enigmas, right, boys?
3. Shaming women who “play hard to get” and saying they end up with stupid prizes. I can’t speak for everyone, but when I was accused of playing hard to get, I was not interested in trying to flirt at all. Maybe us trying to reject a man while still being nice to him is what’s so confusing? I honestly don’t know.
4. The purpose of this post was to show how men feel entitled to the point where they believe any basic emotional attention indicates mutual atttraction. Because the basic courtesy and kindness we are referring to should never be considered a determinant of romantic attraction. And I think women telling men – quite simply – when their behavior is being misinterpreted and men arguing that women are wrong or liars says a lot about the initial entitlement…
beto being elected would be huge for texas. as someone from there, lemme tell you, he’s someone the state sorely needs. texas is in desperate need of a democrat and Beto is our best bet. in recent polls, cruz was shown to be ahead, but not by much. cruz. cannot. win.
there are ways you can help! if you live in Texas, you can sign up to volunteer. you can volunteer to do things such as send texts, emails, knock on doors. typical campaign stuff.
if you don’t live in Texas, you can donate. you don’t have to live in the state to donate. donating is one of the best ways you can support him because it funds his campaign! as mentioned above, he doesn’t take PAC money. he is 100% grassroots campaign, funded by people, for people.
i’m going to reiterate this. any us citizen* can donate. any. doesn’t matter where you live in the united states. so, I urge. if you don’t live in texas, donate. the average donation amount is $35, but any amount will help.
*if you don’t live in the united states/aren’t a citizen, legally you cannot donate. i don’t make the rules guys.
if you can’t donate, please reblog this so others can see it. people can’t vote in midterms if they don’t know who their nominees are.
this midterm election is crucial. getting Beto into the senate is crucial. reblog or donate!
Finally! The dress for my cousin’s wedding is all done!
The pattern used is Simplicity Vintage 7841 EU/1155 US. Lots of alterations were necessary to make it look this way. Plus I added hidden pockets to the skirt and a bow belt.
Right now I am considering whether or not I should make some kind of coat or cape to go with it.
A terrifying New York Times article today announced that the Trump administration is considering “narrowly defining gender as a biological, immutable condition determined by genitalia at birth,” a measure that would essentially eliminate any and all recognition of transgender and nonbinary people and, therefore, their civil rights.
The memo from the Department of Health and Human Services claims officials need a clearer definition of gender. Their proposed definition “would define sex as either male or female, unchangeable, and determined by the genitals that a person is born with, according to a draft reviewed by The Times. Any dispute about one’s sex would have to be clarified using genetic testing.”
“Sex means a person’s status as male or female based on immutable biological traits identifiable by or before birth,” the department proposed in the memo, which was drafted and has been circulating since last spring. “The sex listed on a person’s birth certificate, as originally issued, shall constitute definitive proof of a person’s sex unless rebutted by reliable genetic evidence.”
The new definition would essentially eradicate federal recognition of the estimated 1.4 million Americans who have opted to recognize themselves — surgically or otherwise — as a gender other than the one they were born into.
“This takes a position that what the medical community understands about their patients — what people understand about themselves — is irrelevant because the government disagrees,” said Catherine E. Lhamon, who led the Education Department’s Office for Civil Rights in the Obama administration and helped write transgender guidance that is being undone.
Let me be perfectly clear: Being transgender is not something you can believe or not believe in, support or not support. It’s a reality. Trans people exist. Always have, always will. What this will do is make it infinitely *more* difficult than it already is to be trans in America. Violence, poverty, inaccessible healthcare, and a slew of other already-persistent problems will worsen. New generations of trans kids will be silenced in ways that date back decades, if not longer.
We cannot under any circumstances allow this to happen. Vote. Protest. Cis folks, donate to trans-led organizations and trans individuals’ GoFundMe pages for medical care. Talk to your transphobic (or trans-ignorant) friends and family about what a policy like this would mean. And if you’re trans and need support today, call the Trans Lifeline at 1-877-565-8860.
Trans friends: I see you and I love you. We will not let them erase you. We will fight this with you.
A lot of people are really scared and angry because of the results of the newest climate change reports — as they should be. But I’m already seeing a lot of posts and news reports like “HERE’S WHAT YOU CAN DO TO FIGHT GLOBAL WARMING” and bizarrely enough, the answers are never like “weed out climate change deniers from your government, impose strict new rules for the corporations that are creating most of the emissions, pour government resources into alternate forms of fuel, etc.” It’s always like “carpool to work!”
Look. Of course you should be working to reduce waste in your own life. But let’s not fucking pretend that consumers are the ones who made this mess. You know what another recent study found? Just 100 companies are responsible for 71% of global emissions. If the rest of us stopped ALL WASTE and fucking ascended to a higher plane of existence that no longer requires consumption of any kind, the world would still be absolutely fucked if those 100 companies keep on as they do.
I hate this personal responsibility model when it comes to conservation. By ignoring the actual source of the problem and focusing on individuals instead, guess who gets targeted? The absolute most vulnerable individuals on the planet. When people advocate personal responsibility, somehow they’re never talking about billionaires and their private jets. They’re creating straw bans that will make life more dangerous for people with disabilities. They’re shaming women for using disposable menstrual products. They’re criticizing the poor and destitute for using “wasteful” products because they’re all they can afford. They’re making vaguely eugenic statements about getting people in “third world countries” to stop ~breeding~ so much. It’s monstrous.
Stop shaming consumers for the sins of corporations and their powerful investors. Stop placing the blame at the feet of the people who already have the hardest time getting through life. Do something, and by “do something” I mean buy a reusable coffee cup on the way to fucking vote. Go to a protest. Call a representative. Demand accountability from the people who got us into this mess.
^^^^
Let’s talk about those 100 companies for a moment.
To defeat your enemy, you first have to know who they are.
As a wonky nerd, I looked up the actual report everyone keeps vaguely referencing. Here’s some actual info on the worst polluting companies in the world according to the Carbon Disclosure Project.
In case you can’t read that tiny writing, here’s a list of what is on this graph, which is labeled: Oil and gas company product portfolio mix and GHG emissions intensity. The point of this graph is to show and shame, since even among fossil fuels, some are worse than others. From left to right:
Suncor (Canada), Husky (Canada), Petrobras (Brazil), Lukoil (Russia), Rosneft (Russia), Canadian Natural (Canada), Marathon Oil (USA), Occidental (USA), Hess (USA), Chevron (USA), Murphy Oil (USA), BP (UK), ConocoPhillips (USA), ExxonMobil (USA), Devon Energy (USA), Apache (USA), Total (France), Eni (Italy), Statoil (now named Equinor.. Norway), OMV (Austria), Shell (USA), Anadarko (USA), BHP Billiton (Australia), Repsol (Spain), Encana (Canada), Gazprom (Russia).
As you can see here, on the far left is Suncor, and they’re all about mining those Canadian tar sands, the #1 most polluting way to create energy on an industrial scale.
Here’s another too-small picture I screen-shotted from the report. Here’s some key words: “The distribution of emissions is concentrated: 25 corporate and state producing entities account for 51% of global industrial GHG emissions. All 100 producers account for 71% of global industrial GHG emissions.”
Here’s that list of the 25 worst emitters, roughly ordered as worst polluters to least:
1. China (a collection of state-owned Coal companies)
2. Saudi Aramco (Saudi Arabia)
3. Gazprom (Russia)
4. National Iranian Oil (Iran)
5. ExxonMobil (USA)
6. Coal India (India)
7. Russia (a collection of state-owned Coal companies)
8. Pemex (Mexico)
9. Shell (USA)
10. CNPC – China National Petroleum Corporation
11. BP (UK)
12. Chevron (USA)
13. PDVSA – Venezuela state owned
14. ADNOC – Abu Dhabi National Oil Company state owned
15. Poland Coal (Poland)
16. Peabody (USA – coal)
17. Sonatrach – Algerian state owned
18. Kuwait Petroleum Corp state owned
19. Total (France)
20. BHP Billiton (Australia)
21. ConocoPhilips (USA)
22. Petrobras (Brazil)
23. Lukoil (Russia)
24. Rio Tinto (UK/Australia)
25. Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (Nigeria)
As you can see, this is a truly global problem. Most of us aren’t going to be able to make an impact on governments far away from us, but we can sure as hell put pressure on our own governments. And yes, we can also do individual acts of protest – be it buying a solar charger for your phone or pinning blankets to your curtains to make them more insulative or riding your bike more instead of using a car – because the non-state owned companies rely on consumers in order to survive.
If you want to read the report for yourself, which has lots more charts and graphs, you can find it here (PDF). It is meant to sway investors, so if you know anyone investing money in company stocks, this would be a great thing to show them.
Astute observers will note that I did not actually name and shame 100 specific companies. The report doesn’t either…
FURTHER ACTIONS YOU CAN TAKE:
Find out who your local energy company is
Find out how they generate electricity
Find groups pressuring them to switch over to more sustainable energy methods. Join / help out / volunteer / donate to those groups
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