John Mulaney quotes I identify with

jeffersonxjinkx:

on a deep, spiritual, personal level:

• “I meant to learn about cars, and then I forgot.”
• “I have a girlfriend now myself, which is weird because I’m probably gay based on the way I act and behave.”
• “I could never dress goth, and don’t get me wrong. I’m unhappy, it’s not that.”
• “It is 100% easier not to do things than to do them. And so much fun not to do them! Especially when you were supposed to do them.”
• “Whoa! That tall child looks terrible! Get some rest, tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends!”
• “I was raised Catholic. I don’t know if you can tell that from the everything about me.”
• “I thought I was gonna be murdered my entire childhood!”
• “What is college?” *incoherent babbling*
• “I was sitting up in bed a few weeks ago like [groans]. You know, life?”
• “When I walk down the street, I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much.”