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Experimental Saturday
I donât know what to say. I cooked everything in the house. I guess Iâm compensating for the past few (well, more than few) weekends I spent working. đ€
Couples receive âparent pointsâ, which they can use to purchase their children. Most parents wait for a few thousand, but you chose to buy the cheaper, 100 point child.
Shane knows what itâs like to be a 100 point child. He knows how it feels to see potential parentsâpotential familiesâcome through the facilities doors, faces bright with excitement. He knows how it feels to see them reading the little plaques on the nursery doors, scanning the lists there for the right bits of knowledge and etiquette and grace that they want their baby to have.
He knows how it feels to see their faces pinch outside the window before they hurry to the next room.
Shane grew up in a 100 point nursery. They had torn, ratty, books and no teachers, and when snack time came, the tray was pushed through a slat in the door. They were called âunrulyâ and âdamagedâ and âstupid.â A lot of the other kids threw tantrums and broke furniture (and sometimes other kids). A lot of the other kids went quiet after the first few years when they realized theyâd never be adopted until they were old enough (or pretty enough) to be useful. A lot of the kids cried and didnât stop until they got taken away or were aged out.
Shaneâs grown up a lot since aging out. He put himself through school, got himself a job, shed his 100 points like the torn clothes heâd left the facility in. Heâs powerful now, successful, and heâs grown out of the twisted nose, big ears, and gap-toothed smile that had made him one of the less attractive 100 point babies. Or maybe heâs grown into them. Whoâs to say?
Itâs taken him a long time to get enough Parent Points to do what he wants. Being a man is, for once, somewhat hindering as most of society equates âparentalâ with âmaternal.â Heâs lost count of how many social workers have politely hid expressions of surprise when he told them he wanted to adopt stag, that heâs willing to take the classes, get the grades, make the oaths to get even one Parent Point.
I read two hours worth of aliens interacting with humans and all the humans can explain the situation somehow. Why we do things, why we donât do things. Why we react in a certain way,etc.Â
I have no idea if this already exists but hereâs my idea: What if the human has no idea what is going on with the other human? Or how to explain, repair things because itâs not related to their workspace.Â
âHumanSusan, why does HumanThomas stab himself with this thin obect?â (Needle)
âHe probably suffers from diabetes.â
âWhat is diabetes?â
âItâs the lack of a certain protein in the human body which we need to function properly. He needs to inject insulin otherwise he will die. But itâs a common porblam so you donât have to worry about it.â
âCould you explain this further?â
âI canât.â
âWhy not?â
âIâm a mechanic not a doctor. If you want to know how the human body works go an talk to a human doctor. Theyâve studied that shit for years.â
or
âHumanJack. Am I correct that you are a scientist?â
âGiven the fact that I work in the labor I would say yes. Why?â
âCould you spare some time and explain how itâs possible that two human with blue eyes have a child with brown eyes?âÂ
âLookâŠ.. I am a physics scientist. I can build you a laser in no time. I can use the formula for mass time acceleration if I have to but donât waste your time with asking me about the human body. I hated biology my entire life and will hate it untill I dieâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ.. Also Iâm pretty sure that this is not how genetics work.â
well, probably not, because that kind of halo is formed by ice fog in extremely cold air, and the âwheels within wheelsâ description of angels comes from areas with a climate warm enough that it just doesnât happen there.
then again, the sheer rarity of it might mean that the one time it did happen at high altitude or something, the witnessesâ description memed its way to glory.
How come you have to freeze your ass off to see most of the cool shit, on Earth?
Sorry, Iâm not up to date on the details of Star Wars outside the movies, but was R2-D2, like, Leiaâs droid between the Prequels and the Original Trilogy? Whatever the case, I think I might need it to happen in a crack fic.Â
Because Iâve suddenly imagined R2-D2 accompanying Leia to her Senate meetings. In reality, it would probably be very dangerous for R2 and Leia. But I think it would be perfect for a crack fic.Â
Like, just imagine if Leia and R2 are just strolling around the halls of the Senate, with Leia ranting to R2 about something or other. And then bump into an older Senator by accident. And at first itâs all pleasantries and apologies, but then the older Senator takes one look at R2, turns a color that is not a good color for their people to turn, and then says in utter horror, âITâS YOU!âÂ
Because surely there must be older Senators out there from before the Empire, who remember that horrible little nightmare droid who tailed those awful Jedi around and occasionally Senator Amidala. (Like, there must be people out there who witnessed R2 blow up a building or even straight-up kill someone.)Â
And Leiaâs like, âWhat? You know my droid?âÂ
And the Senatorâs got a hand over their heart, both to soothe themselves and a little protectively, and says, âMy dear, I couldnât forget that thing if I was dead. Thatâs the little bastard who set me on fire! Granted, it was an accident and it saved Senator Amidalaâs life again, but still. She was far too fond of it! That and that debonair Jedi it belonged to!âÂ
And Leia lights up immediately because oho, this is interesting. Meanwhile R2 is basically swearing up a storm trying to push her away. And the Senator has an expression on their face like, âOh, damn, I shouldnât have said that.âÂ
Anyway, Leia accidentally figures out who her parents were because R2 is a memorable asshole that old politicians still see in their nightmares.Â
I want either that crack fic or an even crackier fic that goes like this:
Darth Vader: *walking down a hall in the Senate building, annoyed af that the Emperor is making him be here to intimidate people for some vote or another, scrolling clickbait quizzes or ship commercials on his datapad*
The sound of something clattering comes from ahead. Darth Vader looks up and sees a droid getting kicked out of a conference room, beeping explicitly and indignantly over just being lost, at the far end of the hall. The droid looks down the hall at Darth Vader. Itâs unmistakably R2-D2.
Darth Vader: ââŠâ
R2-D2: ââŠâ
R2: *backs up one inch*
Vader: *takes one step forward*
R2: *SCREAMS*
R2-D2 whirls around immediately and flees around the corner. Vader is too surprised to immediately stop his old droid, but drops the datapad and books it after him (as much as DV can book it). What proceeds is probably a Star Wars version of the Benny Hill chase between R2-D2 and Darth Vader.
It ends in R2, covered in soot and scratches, barely managing to get away after causing enormous amounts of mayhem and property damage.
Leia: âThere you are! Artoo, where have you been?â
R2: *beeps* (translation: âOut.â)
So uh
Excellent. This is exactly what I wanted.Â
â
probably a Star Wars version of the Benny Hill chase between R2-D2 and Darth Vaderâ
Oh my God.
Vader just awkwardly powerwalking after a screaming Astromech.
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