Tom doing some VERY, very impressive ballet spins (pirouettes and fouettes). And he is doing them in fucking belted jeans! He could have worn something more comfy and stretchy for the occasion, lol. Anyway, so impressive that after all these years he still nails them so well, even in low-rise jeans and socks……
Ive never played dnd before but if I ever get to be a dm I’m going to present it as a serious game the first 2 or 3 sessions no funny sounding names no nothing its all high fantasy and serious before completely shattering it in the worst way possible
explain
Sure, imagine Your party stuck in a cave fighting wild catlike creatures or something alike.
The creatures have blocked the way out And the only other way out seems to be a steady but shallow stream of water going deep inside the cave. You are losing the Fight but then you look up at The entrance And you see a silhouette of a man in expensive looking clothing looking down on you. You plead for help but he doesnt respond, instead he starts charging a spell Which makes the water coming from outside cover the caves Floor. The spell Weaves Around Your party but is starting to tug at the creatures. When you look up at the man you can see his face because of the glow coming from his hands, he looks middle aged, human with dark skin and short grey hair. His unexpressive eyes suddenly turn bright red as he says in a calm yet powerfull voice:
“Perish.”
All the animals in the cave get swooped away by the water, letting out one final cry as they get carried into the abyss. he slowly walks to Your weakened party. He stops right in front of you.
“Hail And Well met, my name is Barack, descendent of the house of White.”
so apparently my friend owns a haunted photograph and he’s literally just told me this after two fucking years when he KNOWS how much i love haunted artefacts i can’t believe the audacity
i was like “how haunted are we talking here, is it just a vaguely cursed image or does it actually have Demonic Properties”
and he said “well i’ve never seen the actual image because my dad keeps it in a sealed envelope inside a safe, but whenever he takes it out you can hear voices screaming for help and you feel sick and sometimes you see dark figures moving around in your peripherals”
okay so, firstly, how is it that we’ve been friends for 2 years and this information has never come up, and secondly why the fuck do you still have it
according to his dad the image is of a man riding a model train set and it was given to him by a mysterious stranger in a pub who refused to tell anyone his real name
this is. this is literally a horror movie. this is a direct-to-video minimal-budget terribly-acted horror movie made by a bunch of film students in the nineties. i absolutely love it
me: “bring it round here and we can do the ouija board on it"
him: “nah, i try to stay away from that kind of stuff. if i don’t understand it then i don’t fuck with it.”
bold words from a man who stores haunted artefacts in the basement of his goddamn house
Be shining like Freyja, but know to put yourself first above all others.
Be humble like Iðunn, but know that you hold powers unimaginable that even they don’t see.
Be careful and shrewd like Frigg, but know when to cherish what you have before it’s gone.
Be wild and free like Skaði, but know that there is no shame in longing for what is home.
Be strong in your convictions like Hel, but know when to have your heart turn toward a worthy cause.
Be enchanting like Gerðr, but know that your radiance is something they can never take from you.
Be a comforting pillar like Sif, but know that it is alright to ask for a helping hand in return.
Be clever like Loki, but know that not everyone can distinguish between cunning and harmful trickery.
Be righteous like Njörðr, but do not bend others to your will and mind like a tyrant.
Be proud of achievements like Bragi, but do not forget the many hands that go into one great piece of work, and dole out thanks accordingly.
Be tender and loving like Freyr, but don’t forget how to fight for your survival with tooth and nail.
Be forever fighting for your loved ones like Týr, but be weary of those who would call you friend and kin only to feed you to the wolves.
Be full of grace and charm like Baldr, but know that not every battle can be fought with the power of soft speech and courtesy when life is on the line.
Be a lover of justice like Forseti, but know that not everyone is looking for advice to their ills.
Be ever keen of eye like Heimdallr, but know that not all secrets that your gaze sees should be shared in others company.
Be blameless like Höðr, but know that even then, all our hands will be stained blood red with some lie or deed eventually.
Be willing to stand tall by your own merits like Ullr, but do not shy from friendly hands that would see you whole and hale to the end.
Be ferocious and strong like Þórr, but know when to stay hand upon weapon and offer kind word instead.
Be a searcher of knowledge like
Óðinn, but be mindful that while we cannot know everything, that does not mean we should stop seeking.
idk if I’ve posted about this before but by far the strangest things that’s happened to me in retail was the time someone’s total came out to my birth-year and I said “hey! that’s the year I was born!” and then the next customer’s total came out to like $12.57 and just bc I’m a weirdo I said “hey! that’s the year I was born!” and without missing a fucking beat this like, 70+ year old man said
“Ah! Another like me! We’re few and far between these days, aren’t we?”
And I was like oh man this guy’s sense of humor really aligns with mine! And I laughed and made some other joke about being immortal and thought that was the end of it,
but this man.
He stood by the register for five more minutes. Maybe more. Which let me tell you is an EXCRUTIATING amount of time for something like this to happen.
And he just kept upping the ante!! He starting talking about some REALLY specific details regarding day-to-day life in the 1300s to the point I started getting worried that I’d misled a genuinely immortal being to believe I am also immortal.
He eventually politely left when I got too busy with other customers to awkwardly respond.
Who the fuck was that guy.
I think it’s also important to mention this happened at Cracker Barrel.
I be so ready to grab a rag or vacuum and get some house work done. I’ll be ready to clean the whole damn house. But as soon as you tell me to do it right when I’m about to, I’m just like:
