Nah, nah, nah, Humans might turn out to be the Deathworlders or the Pack-Bond-To-Everything species, but I’ve got an idea what we’d be.
The thing I’ve heard most about Breath Of The Wild is that everyone wants to bang the shark guy.
The thing I’ve heard most about Mass Effect is that you can seduce all the aliens. (And that the ending for the third game was bad, I don’t know, I never played it.)
You see a picture of an alien,(or an elf or an orc or whatever) and there will be a comment somewhere of what said alien would be like in bed.
That’s our role in the universe- that no matter how strange the species, there is a human somewhere who will try to seduce them.
The human race has been exploring space for 61 slutty, slutty years
STOP USING FAT PEOPLE AS A REASON TO BE “DISGUSTED” WITH AMERICA
literally we have imperialism, state-sponosred genocide, white supremacy, violent transmisogyny/homophobia and a crumbling education system that’s failing our children lmao take your pick
Avengers AU – If Tony was Peter’s biological father
Tony is super protective of his son. And Peter, inspired by his dad, becomes Spiderman anyway (his dad and his Uncle Rhodey figure him out in a second though).
Update: The castle as of April 2015 is actually only around $1,300,000 USD now due to the currency exchange rates! 😀
this goes even further, some European countries will give you a castle for free if you submit a plan stating how you intend to restore or preserve it. Italy alone for example has somewhere between 100 and 300 castles they intend to give away to anyone with intent to be a caretaker, they literally cant keep track of how many discount castles are up for grabs
it doesn’t even have to be an ambitious plan, even if it says you just intend to keep it from becoming more shitty and will occasionally add a few bricks when you can afford it. given that most of them come with land you could convert the grounds to actually produce enough income to pay for the repairs- like setting up apple trees and brewing cider you sell with your castle name on the bottle, or raising some goats for cheese, a hobby farm could turn this into an actual income opportunity. hell, throwing parties at the castle could make it an income opportunity
they will literally –GIVE– you a castle to make sure someone is taking care of it rather then let them all sit empty
did I ever tell you guys how I lost the most overtly religious friend I’ve ever had because she insisted I was hellbound over a pair of jeans
apparently not by your reactions SO let’s talk about emily
emily was catholic and found it really, really important that you knew that
she was discrete for the most part (sign of the cross before meals and blushing when the lord’s name was said in vain sorts of things) but she had a habit of berating people for politely declining her invitations to her church services and was sort of a pain in the ass about it at times but that’s beside the point
we were friends for about two and a half years
and then she borrowed a pair of my jeans.
now these jeans
were not just any pair of jeans
they were lucky brand jeans and the nicest jeans I owned at the time, but I was always cool with letting people borrow things when they really needed them
so this fateful day rolls around and emily is freaking out because she tore her skirt (as in straight up the back, mortifyingly torn) while we were out for coffee waiting for her other friend to pick her up because she was going on a weekend trip with this other friend’s (even more religious) family and her only other option was a pair of starchy pants that would absolutely suck to sit comfortably in for a five hour drive
so I do what any good friend would do and give her the extra pair of jeans I have in my car
which are my luckys
now I didn’t think anything of it and just assumed I’d done a great service here right
but flash forward three days
and she comes back
and doesn’t say
anything
just hands me the jeans
pivots
and walks away
so naturally I’m like??????????
so she proceeds to send me a text the next day saying that I made her look horrible to her friend’s mom because she nicely offered to wash the jeans before returning them and that’s right around the time I remember that Lucky brand jeans have a lovely little note on the fly
they look like this
and then you unzip them and
so that’s the story of how my catholic friend stopped talking to me because I accidentally tainted her social life with my subtle sexual vicious trollop jeans
That is both terrible, and absolutely fucking hilarious
