im obsessed w physical closeness, romantically….not even sexually just if u date me it’s all hugging all the time we are gonna lay in bed and im gonna cuddle w u, we will stand in the kitchen and i will stand hip to hip w u, u will sit on the couch and i will stroke your hair and kiss your forehead….it’s so intoxicating as a concept
So today we were lunching on the patio and a couple of bees were very interested in my Pepsi. Since it was diet and therefore Not Good For Bees, I was preventing them from getting into the can. So they landed on my hand and head-butted my knuckles, exactly like the cats do when they think I have treats. We went inside and made wee dish of sugar water and I carefully deposited the ladies on the side of the dish, whereupon they daintily chugged that shit down like frat boys at a kegger. Well, being bees, those ladies went back to tell their friends. So soon there were more bees. And they were HUNGRY. Soon the first dish was drained. Then the second. I think the warm weather means the bees can’t really bed down for winter yet, but very few flowers are blooming in mid-November. I remember seeing a post over the summer about making a bee waterer by putting “stepping stones” in the liquid to keep them from bumbling in and getting their wings wet. And by the time I found something to use for that, they’d drained another two dishes. So now, um, here we are. I present: THE BEEZENING.
Witchy tip: this is a great way to charge your citrine.
In approx. 6 months when all of Tumblr hates John Mulaney and wants to burn him at the stake for no apparent reason, I will remember the “John mulaney should be gay” posts as I sip my lemonade and watch the rabble dance on the ashes of yet another person they idolized into destruction
Actually, I’m gonna map this out for ya right now
John mulaney should be gay. Some fans quote the “God may ¾ of a gay man and then forgot to flip the last switch” joke from New In Town, I believe, but most people chuckle, nod along, and reblog
This will develop and evolve into “John mulaney is appropriating gay culture,” because this is Tumblr and Olympic leaps is what we do
That will quickly evolve into “John mulaney is queer baiting,” because, again, Tumblr
John mulaney will be the new Taylor swift, John green, whomever the hell else that Tumblr once loved and then decided to hate because ~50 million people can never agree on anything
In 2 years, the salt n’ pepper diner video will get passed around again, only people who innocently reblog a funny story from a comedian they don’t really know will get anons “warning” them about the awful, homophobic John mulaney
Most people will accept it outright, because we’re all a little weary of comedians, lbr, but some will question it. When the answer they get is “idk, but I think I remember people saying he was queer baiting because we thought he was gay but apparently he’s not and some people made joke posts about it that a lot of other people took too seriously,” they’ll respond with “are you serious?”
Yes, I am. Welcome to The Dark Ages™
I’m gonna schedule this post for 3 month intervals throughout the year.
Let’s see if Tumblr’s straight, white, golden child du jour survives 2018, shall we?
It’s happening
Ayyyyyyyyyyyyye
I’m so mad at how accurately you predicted this. This website…
thank fuck we have kid gorgeous to confuse these idiots with some new jokes
girls don’t like boys, girls like the pastoral escapist fantasy of living in a large house with many friends and several pets on a beautiful chunk of land with no financial, political, or medical anxieties. also, bread.
Clearly, it’s space stuff that’s taking up all money that could otherwise go to help people.
We can’t cut the space budget. We need it to launch the billionaires into the sun
At its peak, funding NASA returned 8 dollars to the economy for every dollar it was given and singlehandedly advanced technology by decades. The money doesn’t get launched into space: all the benefits stay here.
THANK
Fuck this “Cut science and art because poor people exist!” bullshit. Make fucking rich people pay their damned taxes. That *ALONE* solves the vast majority of the problems. Make employers hire more people, not keep condensing job duties into more and more single positions (some of us are getting sick of doing the work of three people on barely the salary for one of them). Demand pay rates increase so that EVERYONE with a job makes enough to support themselves. Demand better health care, so that people don’t lose their homes and jobs because someone in their family got fucking cancer, or chronic illness, or severe injury.
Science isn’t the problem. The problem is capitalism and greed.
