im a whole entire 21 year old woman and i just drove a toddler-sized electric jeep covered in pictures of frozen characters down a street so i could park it in a garage. i couldnt fit in the seats so i sat on the trunk of the mini vehicle. im not currently wearing contact lenses or glasses so i couldnt actually see anything. i was squinting and grimacing the entire time in an effort to focus on not crashing and dying. let it go was blasting through the speakers
(rolls up to your apartment building in a comically small jeep that hits a maximum of 8mph, squinting so hard my entire face is contorted into a grimace, love is an open door squeaking through the speakers) hey what’s up im your uber
The sun is probably the closest thing we’ll ever have to a true Eldritch Abomination. Hear me out here-
Older than recorded history; was here longer than any of us and will be here long after we leave. Has a finite beginning and end but is still incomprehensibly ancient
Burns itself into your vision instantly and can blind you if you look for too long
Further prolonged exposure can cause cancerous growths
Non-humanoid shape floating through space; colossal flaming tentacles angrily lash out on occasion
Sort of just appeared one day and is now surrounded by the corpses of its stillborn children
People used to sacrifice other people to appease it
anyway, my older sister was adopted when she was almost 16 (kinda on accident too), and because of that she got away from an abusive household, went from barely passing classes to being an honour student, and launching into a career where she’s happy and healthy and paying her own way. just two years of parenting where she had 3 meals a day, a bedtime, and parents to help and protect her changed her life radically. Plus, i got an older sister
if i ever get another chinchilla i will name him vinny the chin after the former mafia crime boss who once held me as a baby
ok i might not have been directly in the arms of vinny the chin himself now that i think about it but basically what happened is that my mom had been following his trials when it was going on back in the late 90′s and like. she was on this flight that also fuckin happened to be transporting this mob boss to his next trial so like there were a bunch of mafia people on this plane with him and my mother was like “holy shit, it’s vinny the chin” and she literally started?? talking to these mafia guys. and she had to run to the bathroom and for some reason was like “can you watch my kid for me for a second” so my mom left me with the mafia. and she kind of? didn’t think about it? and realized fully what she had done as she was washing her hands so she like runs back out and i was fine. they were playing with me and i was laughing. i think it made the news. anyway that’s the story of how baby me enamored a bunch of mobsters
my mom found the article AND the boarding pass from that specific plane trip… i didn’t realize he was literally on his way to prison… i’m crying… anyway, this is the proof behind the text post. i’m the baby
I am so obsessed with this post you guys have no idea.
and let’s admit it
through an unlikely series of events, a bunch of mobsters are left in charge of looking after a baby is the greatest 90s comedy never made.
rip tumblr 