at work we have a bartender named tyler and he collects wine corks so we put them in a little box for him and another bartender makes fun of him cause his t’s look like l’s so she wrote “lyler’s corks” and i saw it this morning and i grabbed a marker and changed the ‘c’ to a ‘g’
and after he left a bartender came up to me and said “aww lyler left his gorks” and i lost it
i don’t mean to sound fake deep but the reason 2018 felt so long was because we’re being fed what’s trending at such a rapid rate that we literally can’t remember half of the shit that even happened anymore. “Black Panther came out in February!” Marvel releases so many movies a year that we completely forget about the last movie as soon as a new one comes out and it repeats in a vicious cycle. “Tide Pods/Ugandan Knuckles was in January!” The life span of memes have been rapidly declining for years and it’s gotten to the point where the average lifespan of a meme is about 2 weeks and then the next thing gets popular and then that lasts for 2 weeks and it just keeps going. We’re literally losing our sense of time because of our rapid consumption of media and pop culture.
This tweet from scientist Jacquelyn Gill (@JacqelynGill) went viral, and for good reason. The war on science continues, and she summed up this story perfectly into 3 sentences on Twitter.
The row has erupted after a key polar satellite broke down a few days ago, leaving the US with only three ageing ones, each operating long past their shelf lives, to measure the Arctic’s dwindling ice cap. Scientists say there is no chance a new one can now be launched until 2023 or later. None of the current satellites will still be in operation then.
No words can describe how much this angers the crap out of me.
manchester: gays. you will probably get mugged, way better than london though, also known as madchester, because best nightlife and britpop
liverpool: like manchester, but less gay. you will definitely get mugged. notorious for stealing wheels
newcastle: probably quite good for canadians as exists in permafrost and has never left the 90s.
leeds: it’s a lot cheaper than london
bradford: leeds but awful
nottingham: gun death capital of the uk!
derby: intense rivalry with nottingham, literally no one else in the country or world gives any fucks about this.
hull: violently resist anyone who attempts to take you here
leicester: i’m not sure this is a real place
york: this is an illustration from the top of a christmas biscuit assortment
birmingham: NO.
brighton & hove: more gays. is only a pretend city. mild to moderate chance of mugging. contains some deeply annoying hippies. basically if san francisco was british.
portsmouth: there is literally nothing here.
southampton: exactly the same as portsmouth but smells of off milk
bristol: you have a 1 in 10 chance of ending up in a bbc recording. everyone sounds like a farmer or bob marley.
cardiff: you have a 1 in 5 chance of ending up in a bbc recording, and a 1 in 3 chance of being glassed.
plymouth: post apocalyptic wind tunnel full of drunk sailors pissing on depressed hookers. do not enter.
penzance: everyone here is from london now.
london: no one from london is actually from london and even breathing is expensive.
cambridge: windy and full of equal amounts of homeless drug addicts and public schoolboys. the junkies are nicer.
oxford: same number of cunts as cambridge but easier to escape from due to all-night bus to london
edinburgh: a goth turned into a city. basically london but slightly more scottish.
glasgow: it is impossible to tell whether people are angry or happy.
aberdeen: las vegas at the point when vegas starts crying uncontrollably
belfast: do not order “an irish car bomb” OR “a black and tan” here.
wolverhampton: really, really don’t.
norwich: count people’s fingers. mutations walk here.
coventry: like plymouth, bombed flat in ww2. like plymouth, failed to take the hint. like plymouth: do not alight here.
sheffield: everyone talks like sean bean or alex turner, still better than london
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