khealywu:

philosopher–queens:

thepageofhopes:

dottewa:

prokopetz:

feminerds:

hyggehaven:

witwitch:

sweetpotatodotcom:

newtonssidekick:

sweetpotatodotcom:

The medical community on literally every female specific health issue ever: “very common condition” “no known cause” “no known cure” :))))))

What the fuck is tumblr? Like honestly what is this? Do you guys pull shit out of the inner most depths of your rectum and then just throw it on your keyboard and have it turn into a post???? This site is something else what the fuck is wrong with you people????!?!?

Endemetriosis

Vaginal Thrush

Menorrhagia

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome

Fibroids

Very common conditions, causes are unknown or only speculated, long term cures have not been found. Most can cause chronic pain or discomfort, all can seriously impact your quality of life.

Men are so damn privileged they can’t even imagine female bodies have different healthcare needs than theirs and that our healthcare needs are important even if they can’t be affected by one of these conditions.

Endometriosis causes excruciating pain and is a leading cause of infertility. Thrush is extremely
uncomfortable, and expensive to treat repeatedly; over-the-counter preparations rarely completely eradicate it. Menorrhagia, which I
have, makes you anæmic. PCOS causes hormonal symptoms that are socially
difficult (facial hair, acne, hair loss, weight gain). Fibroids are so common, and are often treated with a hysterectomy.

Add in fibromylgia, which affects 8x as many women as men, as well as lupus (and almost any other autoimmune condition), systemic exertion intolerance disorder (SEID), iron deficiency anæmia (all of which affect more women than men), and you have well over 25% of childbearing-age women globally living with chronic pain and tiredness.

Chronic pain is overwhelmingly experienced by women, and women are less likely to be taken seriously or given treatment by medical professionals. I went through two years of diagnostics to finally find out I had occipital neuralgia; I felt doubted when I described my pain at every step of the way, but was lucky to have a partner who was persistent in helping me get treatment.

Basically, this is a huge problem, and also one of the reasons I have been considering medical school.

Don’t forget that most pharmaceuticals go to market without ever having been tested on people with a uterus, lest someone get pregnant… seriously that is the whole rationale behind not testing >50% of the population. This has been legislated against in some countries, but still persists in the of majority drug development because of other regulations, and traditions and laziness. The use of a drug is of course monitored in the population after release, but the people “trying” it in this capacity get none of the insurance, close and regular medical examination or monetary benefit of essentially being in a late stage drug trial. Drugs that are pulled from market after release are sometimes done so on the basis that the dosage is just too high for females/afab people and this is, of course, after they’ve experienced the adverse affects. 

This is why if you get pregnant your doctor will take you off basically any and all medication you’re taking (including mental health medication, can’t imagine any implications/dire consequences there), not because they know it will have an adverse affect on the foetus but because they have no idea. How wonderfully kind of them to prioritise the health and life of an unborn foetus over that of a living person, let’s just hope they don’t become ill whilst pregnant. How charmingly logical it is that they wouldn’t even bother to test drugs in people with a uterus because it’s all too difficult and gosh, darn what an ethical conundrum we’ve been faced with, let’s just not! Which is so in the spirit of capital S, Science!  

Sources: Nature, Nature, Medscape, Biomedcentral.

Indeed, the issue is so severe that, in many cases, folks with uteruses are routinely told that their diseases and disorders are not, in fact, disorders at all, and are just a normal part of having a uterus.

Take menstrual cramps, for example. Everybody knows that cramps are a normal part of menstruation, and that virtually all people who menstruate experience them throughout their lives, right?

Except that’s not right at all.

Yes, it’s true that about two-thirds of individuals who menstruate begin to experience menstrual pain during adolescence, but it’s basically a side effect of puberty, and normally subsides by your late teens. Only about 20-40% of menstruating adults experience menstrual pain on a regular basis – and according to some estimates, as much as 80% of that figure is due to undiagnosed endometriosis or some other underlying medical condition.

Yeah, roll those numbers around in your head: if you’re an adult who experiences menstrual cramps, it’s overwhelmingly likely that your pain is a symptom of some potentially serious medical condition.

And yet we tell folks it’s just a normal thing that everybody has to deal with.

Bonus round: Look up PCOS and gender identity.

Then look up PCOS and diabetes.

Ok, to show how incredibly important this post fucking is, I just looked up endometriosis and I match just about every sympton, and it would explain not just my incredibly painful periods but many other things as well. I had no idea this existed.

Please, read this post and reblog this so others can learn.

I will reblog this every time because my cousin (a cis girl) went through seven years of pain without being taken seriously until SHE suggested it was endometriosis. And that’s not even unusual – that’s the average amount of time it takes between first symptoms and a diagnosis of endometriosis.

Only 20-40% of menstruating adults experience cramps???? Fuuuuuck >:[

counterpunches:

morepopcornplease:

heterokatedison:

lostqueenofhoshido:

heterokatedison:

>Good guy director gets fired after far-right pundit digs up past he repeatedly apologized for

>Tumblr thinks this is okay

New rule, starting now. Anyone making a snarky comment about this gets unfollowed because that’s gross

>28 year old my little pony fan thinks I value their opinion on someone getting fired for making rape jokes

hahahahaha here I was, legit hoping this discourse wouldn’t show up on my blog but, there it is. wow.

#1) The person who dragged up the pedophilia jokes about James Gunn is none other than far-right blogger Mike Cernowich. You know, the guy behind fucking #PIZZAGATE.

#2) James Gunn already apologized for previous behavior. Like, several years ago. In 2012. Before #MeToo. Before ANY of this. And his behavior since then proves a marked change.

#3) In fact, James Gunn’s behavior changed so radically that he became the target of Mike Cernovich. Because Gunn’s been pretty outspoken about our current president. Which didn’t sit well with President Pizzagate, not one bit.

#4) So Mike Cernovich finding and released all the old tweets during SDCC was NOT a coincidence. This was targeted to Disney, to see if Mike can wank himself over forcing the biggest major conglomerate to make a marketing decision in order to get ONE GUY rightfully furious about Trump out of the business.

#5) Look, I think James Gunn’s tweets are pretty damn horrible. But to put it on the same level as someone like Harvey Weinstein is disingenuous.

#6) We’re not winning any wars with the mentality of “problematic people are forever doomed for having once done problematic things, even if they’ve changed.” And like stated above, James Gunn is NOT another Weinstein. I’ve said homophobic things in the past, and I’m A LESBIAN for fuck’s sake!!

#7) Dave Bautista isn’t the only one who’s on James Gunn’s side in this. The entire GOTG cast is on his side.

#8) In the end this isn’t just about GOTG. This isn’t about Disney. This isn’t about James Gunn’s career (he’ll bounce back). This is about Right-winger trolls weaponizing accountability. And it’s fucking gross.

This isn’t about Disney. This isn’t about James Gunn’s career (he’ll bounce back). This is about Right-winger trolls weaponizing accountability. And it’s fucking gross.

lalaofrp:

kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd:

meeglemore:

smallswingshoes:

gahdamnpunk:

Her tuition so damn high she can wear whatever tf she wants

Spite goals

There’s a better thing to her story. She CONTINUED her thesis in her underwear and afterward her professor said “what would your mother think wearing those kinds of clothes”

And she responded “my mother’s a feminist also a gender and sexuality studies professor. She’s fine with my shorts”

i think the best part is that a majority of the class also stripped with her in solidarity

Just to give a little more perspective after reading the story:

The sequence of events is a little jumbled in the telling above. The actual chastising from the teacher came days before the woman’s thesis, during a practice run of her presentation. This was not a spur-of-the-moment thing where she just whipped off her clothes for the sake of being angry. Chai took the time to think things through before deciding this was the way she wanted to protest. She used critical thinking and level-headedness to decide instead of becoming volatile and aggressive, she would choose non-violent protest. 

I just don’t like the way the story’s being told by others because it makes her come across as “overly-emotional” and “erratic” (as women often do in the media, because it’s easier to attribute extreme action to “hysteria”), whereas in actual news reports, she had time to think about her decision and choose the best way to handle what happened to her. 

Sources: 

travelingmindlostsoul:

devilbunnii:

chill-aries:

devilbunnii:

Black people with vaginas who are pregnant I urge you to find a black doula or a midwife to help with delivery. The medical community is extremely racist and contributes to mortality of black infants and those giving birth.

There is legit a medical bias that black people feel way less pain than other races, so our pain is taken way less seriously. We could be in a life or death situation and the yt doctors and nurses will brush off our pain.

It happened to Serena Williams also (look it up).

Medical bias against black and brown people is very much real.

And I would recommend reading the Medical Apartheid it delves deeper into the racist medical community that is still prevalent to today

“According to the CDC, black mothers in the U.S. die at three to four times the rate of white mothers, one of the widest of all racial disparities in women’s health. Put another way, a black woman is 22 percent more likely to die from heart disease than a white woman, 71 percent more likely to perish from cervical cancer, but 243 percent more likely to die from pregnancy- or childbirth-related causes. ”

From this article: https://www.npr.org/2017/12/07/568948782/black-mothers-keep-dying-after-giving-birth-shalon-irvings-story-explains-why

Here’s a link to the 1a page on this subject. Has a podcast about it as well as a link to Serena Williams discussing this:

https://the1a.org/shows/2018-05-14/why-u-s-maternal-death-rates-are-so-high-and-what-we-can-do-about-it

^^^Bless for the extra info!

The original post said PEOPLE WITH VAGINAS, which INCLUDES TRANS PEOPLE. @chill-aries you need more varied sources for relevance.

this is why there is no longer lab research on pornography.

antiporn-activist:

“Countless studies have since shown that exposure to pornography desensitizes men to violence against women, often shaping their sexuality in such a way that they become unable to experience arousal without some element of dominance or violence. The evidence has been so damning that, at times, universities have refused to allow further research on the topic. When a study shows detrimental effects that cannot be reversed, ethics boards will often refuse similar studies to go on. This has happened repeatedly with research on the effects of pornography.

Maya Shlayen, Whose Porn, Whose Feminism

ima-fuckingt4ble:

accidentalavenger:

dontbeanassbutt:

staticonthesignal:

ima-fuckingt4ble:

staticonthesignal:

dontbeanassbutt:

inspired by true stories

You can’t turn flirting into a complicated “game” that makes no sense and then throw a hissy fit when some men get confused.

giving minimal attention isn’t complicated lol

As a guy who has no idea how that “game” works, yes it is. Especially when a lot of girls do the “play hard to get” crap. Men aren’t fucking mind readers. My solution though, is rather simple. I’ll take it all at face value. I don’t play that stupid game. You play hard to get? Sorry, I’m gonna play dumb. You can fuck off or just come clean.

I mean, thankfully it doesn’t matter for me because I met my awesome GF and she cared as little for the “game” as I did. But it still annoys me when people play this game and this bitch when a guy gets the wrong idea. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

guess what! emotional attention isn’t flirting!

Maybe some people like playing hard to get but there’s a massive and fucking obvious difference between flirting and being vaguely polite. It’s really not that fucking hard and women get hit on relentlessly just cause they’re being nice and that’s not fucking ok.

Girl: *shows basic human respect*

Static: Stupid bitches and their fucking games

sespursongles:

100 Non-Fiction Books by Women on Women

The links redirect to OpenLibrary, for the books that are available to be read there.

Language, Writing, Reading

History

  • Fearless Wives and Frightened Shrews: The Construction of the Witch in Early Modern Germany, Sigrid Bauner
  • Women, the Family and Peasant Revolution in China, Kay Ann Johnson
  • A Quiet Revolution: The resurgence of the Veil in the Middle East and America, Leila Ahmed
  • The Encyclopedia of Amazons: Women Warriors from Antiquity to the Modern Era, Jessica Salmonson
  • Hearts And Minds: The Untold Story of the Great Pilgrimage and How Women Won the Vote, Jane Robinson
  • Memoirs of Victorian Working-Class Women, Florence S. Boos
  • Sisters in the Struggle: African American Women in the Civil Rights / Black Power Movement, Bettye Collier-Thomas
  • Women’s Work: The First 20,000 Years Women, Cloth, and Society in Early Times, Elizabeth Wayland Barber
  • Divorced, Beheaded, Survived: A Feminist Reinterpretation of the Wives of Henry VIII, Karen Lindsey
  • A Train in Winter: An Extraordinary story of Women, Friendship, and Resistance in Occupied France, Caroline Moorehead
  • ‘Criminals, Idiots, Women, and Minors’: Victorian Writing by Women on Women, Susan Hamilton
  • The Creation of Feminist Consciousness: From the Middle Ages to Eighteen-Seventy, Gerda Lerner
  • Women’s Work: An Anthology of African-American Women’s Historical Writings from Antebellum America to the Harlem Renaissance, ed. Laurie F. Maffly-Kipp and Kathryn Lofton
  • The Girl With 7 Names: A North Korean’s Defector Story, Hyeonseo Lee
  • Seeing and Knowing: Women and Learning in Medieval Europe, Anneke Mulder-Bakker
  • To Believe in Women: What Lesbians Have Done For America – A History, Lillian Faderman,
  • Women in the Holocaust: A Feminist History, Zoë Waxman
  • The Undaunted Women of Nanking: The Wartime Diaries of Minnie Vautrin and Tsen Shui-fang, ed. Hua-ling Hu and Zhang Lian-hong
  • Gentlemen and Amazons: The Myth of Matriarchal Prehistory, 1861-1900, Cynthia Eller

Modern, Contemporary

Religion, Spirituality, Myth

  • Women and Mystical Experience in the Middle Ages, Frances Beer
  • The Wisdom of the Beguines: The Forgotten Story of a Medieval Women’s Movement, Laura Swan
  • Women and Gender in Islam: Historical Roots of a Modern Debate, Leila Ahmed
  • Wandering Women and Holy Matrons: Women as Pilgrims in the Later Middle Ages, Leigh Ann Craig
  • Unspoken Worlds: Women’s Religious Lives, Nancy Auer Falk
  • Women and Indigenous Religions, ed. Sylvia Marcos
  • Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement, Kathryn Joyce
  • Beyond God the Father, Mary Daly
  • Convent Chronicles: Women Writing About Women and Reform in the Late Middle Ages, Anne Winston-Allen
  • Immortality and Reincarnation: Wisdom from the Forbidden Journey, Alexandra David-Néel
  • The Tribe of Dina: A Jewish Women’s Anthology, ed. Irena Klepfisz and Melanie Kaye Kantrowitz
  • Women Living Zen: Japanese Soto Buddhist Nuns, Paula Kane Robinson Arai
  • Spiders & Spinsters: Women and Mythology, Marta Weigle
  • The Dancing Goddesses: Folklore, Archaeology, and the Origins of European Dance, Elizabeth Wayland Barber
  • The Female Mystic: Great Women Thinkers of the Middle Ages, Andrea Dickens

Science, Medicine

  • Blazing the Trail: Essays by Leading Women in Science, ed. Emma Ideal & Rhiannon Meharchand
  • Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of the Black Women Mathematicians Who Helped Win the Space Race, Margot Lee Shetterly
  • Soundings: The Story of the Remarkable Woman Who Mapped the Ocean Floor, Hali Felt
  • Complexities: Women in Mathematics, Bettye Anne Case
  • The Mercury 13: The True Story of Thirteen Women and the Dream of Space Flight, Martha Ackmann
  • Nobel Prize Women in Science: Their Lives, Struggles, and Momentous Discoveries, Sharon Bertsch McGrayne
  • Rosalind Franklin: The Dark Lady of DNA, Brenda Maddox
  • The Madame Curie Complex: The Hidden History of Women in Science, Julie Des Jardins
  • Women and Madness, Phyllis Chesler
  • The Fossil Hunter: Dinosaurs, Evolution, and the Woman Whose Discoveries Changed the World, Shelley Emling (for a fictionalised version: Tracy Chevalier’s Remarkable Creatures)
  • Women in Science: Antiquity through the Nineteenth Century, Marilyn Bailey Ogilvie
  • Feminism & Bioethics, Susan M. Wolf
  • Chrysalis: Maria Merian and the Secrets of Metamorphosis, Kim Todd
  • Lifting the Veil: The feminine face of science, Linda J. Shepherd
  • The Radium Girls: The Dark Story of America’s Shining Women, Kate Moore
  • Mary Somerville: Science, Illumination, and the Female Mind, Kathryn A. Neeley
  • Pandora’s Breeches: Women, Science and Power in the Enlightenment, Patricia Fara

Economics, Politics

  • Women and Economics, Charlotte Perkins Gilman
  • The Political Economy of Violence against Women, Jacqui True
  • Toward a Feminist Philosophy of Economics, Drucilla Barker (also her Liberating Economics: Feminist Perspectives on Families, Work, and Globalization)
  • Feminism Seduced: How Global Elites Use Women’s Labor and Ideas to Exploit the World, Hester Eisenstein
  • The Poverty of Life-Affirming Work: Motherwork, Education, and Social Change, Mechthild U. Hart
  • Bananas, Beaches and Bases: Making Feminist Sense of International Politics, Cynthia Enloe
  • Visionary Women: How Rachel Carson, Jane Jacobs, Jane Goodall, and Alice Waters Changed Our World, Andrea Barnet
  • Disposable Women and Other Myths of Global Capitalism, Melissa W. Wright
  • Who Cooked Adam Smith’s Dinner?: A Story of Women and Economics, Katrine Marçal
  • The Woman Behind the New Deal: The Life of Frances Perkins, FDR’S Secretary of Labor and His Moral Conscience, Kirstin Downey
  • If Women Counted: A New Feminist Economics, Marilyn Waring (also her Counting For Nothing: What Men Value and What Women are Worth)
  • Caliban and the Witch: Women, the Body and Primitive Accumulation, Silvia Federici

A lot of the books that aren’t available on OpenLibrary can be found here, if you have no morals and don’t mind piracy.

Because abortions aren’t the only way the patriarchy wants to control your junk

lisafer:

purpleterpsichore:

ladyyatexel:

capncrystal:

kaijutegu:

krismichelle429:

traveldustedshoes:

OBGYN: Yeah, you are exhibiting all the signs of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I’m so sorry.

Me: Huh? Oh, yeah. Insulin resistance, impossible weight loss, pre-disposition to type II diabetes, painful AF periods. Likelihood of bleed outs. Crap. That blows.

OBGYN: Yeah, well that too.

Me: *blinks* What?

OBGYN: Well, PCOS makes it very difficult for a woman to conceive and carry.

Me: BWHAHAHAHA. Yeah. No. No babies. Ever. Never wanted them. At all. Maternal instinct is not strong with this one. Only upside today.

OBGYN: Well then. Not exactly problem solved, but we’ll run with it.

Me: So about the MIND-SEARING PAIN and occasional HEAVY AF BLEEDING. When can we deal with that.

OBGYN: Not until you are 35.

Me: Dah fuq?

OBGYN: Not my rules. Hospitalization won’t even consider any treatment unless it’s life or death until you’re 35.

Me: Why?

OBGYN: Because you might want to have a baby.

Me: I’m 31. I didn’t want kids when I was 11, I didn’t want them at 21, and I sure as shit don’t want them now. Can’t I just sign a form that says “I don’t ever want a baby take it out, take it out now”?

OBGYN: Nope.

Me: Why?

OBGYN: Government rules. No removal of baby making parts before 35 unless your life is in immediate jeopardy.

TL;DR: The government knows better about your baby making parts than you do.

This is just evil. They are literally refusing to treat a potentially life-threatening condition, not just without the patient’s consent but despite the patient’s protest. Evil.

According to the National Women’s Health Network, there’s no legal age restriction- “Technically, any woman of legal age can consent to the procedure, but it should be medically justified. It’s incredibly unlikely that a doctor will perform a hysterectomy on women ages 18-35 unless it is absolutely necessary for their well-being and no other options will suffice.” Of course, this is in the US. Other countries may have different rules. 

If you’re in the US and your OBGYN says “government says no,” look for a new one because they lied to you. If your OBGYN says that “hospital says no,” look for a new one because this one doesn’t respect your bodily autonomy. It is true that most surgeons don’t like to perform hysterectomies until you’re in your late 30s at the earliest, but a respectful surgeon will listen to their patient and not just write them off. Sexism in hospitals is alive and well– and it’s not just anecdotal evidence. There’s been a history of looking at it academically/professionally since the 70s (look into Mary Halas as a good place to start if you’re curious), and it crops up all the time in articles in the Journal of Women’s Health and Women’s Health Issues, and the International Journal of Women’s Health all of which are peer-reviewed, well-respected medical journals. It’s absolutely a real thing. 

Anyways, I guess what I’m getting at is this: here’s a list of doctors (mostly US-centric) who perform different sterilization surgeries without giving their patients trouble. While even a surgeon on this list might caution anyone under 35 away from a hysterectomy, at the end of the day it’s your body and your pain. (And some of the docs here have been known to perform hysterectomies on people in their 20s with no fuss.) While this list won’t be practical for everyone- after all, medical treatment is ridiculously expensive in this country, it might help someone. 

Holy shit fam
Holy S H I T

SIGN ME THE FUCK UP I’VE BEEN TOLD THIS IS NOT ALLOWED FOR YEARS

Oh god

QUICK REMINDER THAT I HAD A HYSTERECTOMY A FEW DAYS AFTER MY 26TH BIRTHDAY B/C I HAD CANCER AND I DID EXACTLY THIS. I HAD A DOCTOR WHO DIDN’T WANT TO DO IT AND THEN I WENT TO A NEW DOCTOR AND AFTERWARDS SHE MORE OR LESS SAID MY LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN IN DANGER HAD I NOT DONE IT.

Sometimes it’s not the doctor, it’s the hospital.  For example, my OBGYN worked at a Catholic hospital, so they couldn’t perform any type of sterilization onsite unless it was an emergency situation.  

So if your doc feeds you this BS line about not being allowed to, ASK IF IT’S THE HOSPITAL POLICY.  If it is, ask if they are able to perform the procedure elsewhere. If they are not, ASK FOR A REFERRAL.

I was 28 years old when my OBGYN explained that he wasn’t allowed to perform a sterilization procedure onsite, and then he proceeded to tell me what a crock of shit it was and referred me to someone else who was able to. And even though I was under 30, his referral listed me as “an ideal candidate” for the procedure.  

If they pass off this line and insist when you know otherwise, FIND A NEW DOCTOR.

hogwartsian-quotes:

smudging-sage:

alleiradayne:

prismatic-bell:

midoriko-sama:

oxfordcommaforever:

han-syolo-shot-first:

bubblegumsith:

cosmic-noir:

twowandsandadrink:

ashkinator:

politicalsexmaskitten:

hooraychelle:

yellowxperil:

srsly tho this is absolutely a thing that dudes do all the f***ing time

like where if he knows a girl doesn’t necessarily want to give him a hug, he will trap her in this position in front of witnesses where she has 2 options- both of which are undesirable for her, while simultaneously desirable for him

if she doesn’t want to hug him, whatever she does, it will suck for her.

she can 1. say nah and be the fucking asshole in front of other ppl or 2. forsake her corporeal boundaries and allow unwanted intimate contact

it’s a f***ing trap

F***ing hate dudes forreal.

too many f***ing times ugh

Story time.

One day I was on the MAX (basically a giant street car that goes all over the metro area) on my way to meet up with a few friends. I didn’t look at anyone, I didn’t speak to anyone, I just stood to the side on my phone making sure I wasn’t going to be late to my meeting.

Out of no where, this guy comes up to me and starts to chat me up. Me, being who I am, am absolutely terrified to tell this guy to f*** off. He was at least half a foot taller than me, and was way too bulky for me to fight back. So I suck it up at humor him, say hello. Before introducing himself or asking me for my name, he asks me out on a date. Not wanting to piss him off I try to make light of the situation and I laugh, telling him that my boyfriend wouldn’t like the idea, but thank you for the offer. He just shrugs and says, “He doesn’t need to know.”

At this point I’m scared out of my mind. There’s this guy who, after seeing me run two blocks to catch the train, comes up to me and has made it perfectly clear that he wasn’t going to leave without getting something out of me.

I deny him a second time, saying, “I don’t even know you’re name. We’re strangers, I don’t know you.” He finally introduces himself and asks me for my phone number. I tell him I don’t give my number out to people I’ve just met and he says, “Fine, but at least take mine so we can meet up later.” So he watches me plug his number into my phone (which I deleted as soon as I knew I was safe and away from him) as we’re pulling up to my stop. I tell him I need to leave and switch trains and he tells me, “Oh, I’ll wait with you. I don’t have any plans, so I’m in no rush.” It’s important to note what at this point he had previously told me that he was late to a job interview, but he has all the time in the world because he still hasn’t gotten what he wanted from me; a yes.

I get off of the train and he follows me, and waits at the platform with me for over ten minutes until my train arrives, asking me all sorts of personal questions about where I live and where I was going that day. As soon as the train pulls up he grabs for me and says, “Do I at least get a hug before you go?”

I was terrified. I was embarrassed. This dude, who before even asking me for my name asks me out on a date and then continues to harass me after I tell him I have a boyfriend, asks me for a hug only fifteen minutes after meeting. People around us were staring at me, as if I was being rude for denying him, and every inch of me was mortified. I wanted to run, but I felt like if I had done that he would have chased after me and things would have gotten worse. So I did, and he squeezed me so tight I felt like I was going to burst. It took me a good ten seconds to get him to let go and I ran to the train car just as the doors were closing. He was trying to get me to miss my train so I would have to wait with him even longer. I would have been stuck there for over a half an hour until the next train came by, and the platform (aside from the few buses coming by) was now COMPLETELY EMPTY. He knew EXACTLY what he was doing and he knew EXACTLY how to get me alone with him.

People, if you are in a situation like this do not feel obligated to give in. If someone is making you uncomfortable and asks to touch you in any way, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SAY YES. Make excuses, be blunt, just straight up say ‘no’. If possible, go to someone else near by who you think can help you and ask them to help you. It’s important for guys to learn that they can’t get what they want just by asking over and over again.

I got lucky. But not everyone does. Please, everyone, Be Safe.

SECOND STORY TIME

So I was on the transit bus alone one time. This was my first time riding, and so already I was PETRIFIED. I sit down, pull out my ipod, and begin to play some games. This guy sits down next to me, and begins trying to have a conversation. I don’t really respond, I don’t even look at him, just give half-hearted “mhm”s and “oh”s, as I don’t want to be rude if he was just striking up a friendly conversation. He then asks me on a date.

Now, as I stated before, I already was absolutely petrified. My heart stopped and I didn’t know how to answer. So I just didn’t. He didn’t let up and I could feel his eyes on me. I quietly stammer out a “no thanks” and my stop HAPPENS to be coming up, so I pull the string thing to let the driver know I want to stop there, and once we stop and the doors open I get up and he asks me, “Well, can I at least have a hug before you go if you won’t go on a date with me?” 

This makes me break. There are now people staring, as we are the only people standing up and not getting off… So I just start crying. Hell, I am bawling almost instantly. He looks so fucking freaked out and people are now getting up to come over and comfort me/question him. I don’t stop crying, and he keeps trying to comfort me by touching me, and people are yelling at him for that. 

AND THEN. AND. FUCKING. THEN. THE GOD DAMN BUS DRIVER. A VERY EASILY 6 FOOT BURLY MAN. COMES OVER TO US. PULLS THE GUY AWAY. AND KNEELS DOWN. HE THEN ASKS, IN THE MOST CALM VOICE, “Did you request the stop?” I very slowly and shakily nod, as I am still crying my eyes out. He then asks, “Do you want to get off?” I give a quiet “mhm” and nod once again, and he offers me his hand. I take it, he stands up, and he escorts me off the bus. He asks me questions such as where I was going next, if I was going to meet someone shortly, if I was going to transfer buses from there. He was very polite and waited for me to answer the entire time, and my friend (who I was going to be meeting there) showed up. He asked me if this was someone I knew, I said yes, and he said alright, have a good day. He then told me- and this is something stuck in my mind forever, so it is word for word-

“If some guy EVER starts harassing you like that again, do exactly what you did there. Cry. Cry and scream and have a temper tantrum. Not only will it throw him off, but it will get others to notice. They might not interfere, they might, but you will have gotten their attention and if you happen to go missing the next day the search for you will be a hell of a lot easier because everyone in that location will have seen you screaming and crying with a guy now very awkward with his actions. They will know. That is what my daughter did, and three days after she went missing she was back in my arms. I pray for you and every other person like you who has this done. You stay safe now, okay?” And after I began blubbering again, I nodded and he left.

So this is the second lesson for yall. If you can not have the courage to say no or make an excuse, cry. Let out those sobs and tears and cry your heart out. Because it is going to make people notice and make people aware.

Reblogging for that second story. This might save a life.

I just wanna note that bus drivers can be really amazing and good ones do look out for their riders.

Also, as an additional tip (in case you cannot cry on command or such), you can say, “No, because you’re creepy/creeping me out” and if he persists or tries to laugh it off, say “I do not want to be touched” and look at one of the strangers/persons that is watching.

It:
1. Gives them a sense of urgency in the situation, as the eye contact is a way to make them feel as though you are personally asking for their help and it is now their obligation to help.
2. Contains words so that if you’re in a public place but people aren’t necessarily watching, then they (as natural evesdroppers) can overhear the attention-grabbing words and then notice the situation. Note, this does NOT mean that they will come for help, but you might be able to look someone in the eye (as previously mentioned) or just get some people’s attention.
3. It shows that you have fight in you. As with rapists, those who are physically aggressive (ie. these huggers) choose women they see as an easy target. The moment you show them you are going/willing to fight them, they are less likely to continue. Sadly, this is not always the case, but every little bit helps.

Hopes this also helps, guys, and I’m so sad that this has to even be a post we need.

Dudes who follow me: 1) reblog this 2) don’t be the creepy guy who asks random women for hugs 3) be aware of your friends or random creepy dudes and call them out if they act gross towards girls/womem

Ok, I wasn’t going to comment about this, because there was no way of doing it without talking about a part of my life I really didn’t want to. But fuck that, there be young girls out there who need a hand.

So I used to be hot when I was young. I mean, model hot, because I actually used to model. Even now, I’ve let myself go on purpose because I was tired of the harassment. But I fit a UK size 6 with a pert ass from volleyball and a cup c breast. As you can imagine, I couldn’t wear anything or go ANYWHERE without being harassed. I sometimes even happened in church.

Anyway, I’m not a shrinking lily, and when I get angry enough I can do some crazy shit. So here are some of my coping mechanisms:

1) find a matronly looking lady, run up to her with ‘aunt may! I haven’t seen you in ages! ’ then whisper ‘please help he’s harassing me!’. 99.9 times out of 100, she will be scandalised and help you anyway even if she’s annoyed or in a hurry. If no older lady is available, find a younger one, or a nun, or a trans lady. We of the sisterhood know what it is to be harnessed, and I guarantee if you look frightened enough, they will help.

2) If you are out alone at night, and someone is following you, spot a house or apartment where the lights are on and knock, asking ‘mum’ or ‘dad’ or ‘john’ to let you in. Even if the people inside are annoyed, odds are they won’t turn you away, and you can phone someone to pick you up, or phone the police from a safe space

3) Make noise. Cry and scream loudly, call them out ‘i don’t know you and you are terrifying me! Please get away from me!’ if there are people around. Even if they don’t help directly for fear of their own safety, someone around you is calling security or 911.

4) speak a foreign language. If you know it, speak the language to them fast and incessantly, like you have just met someone you knew and you’re just giving the best performance rant of why your OTP is the best OTP. Make yourself ANNOYING. Think about what would be awkward and annoying to you and make it what you do to them. If you make them think YOU are something to get away from they will leave you in peace.

Now beware, the following ones are the CRAZY ones and may not always work. But they are a valid last resort:

5) stare at them. Stare at them like you’re hungry and they are a hapless deer you’re going to tear to pieces. Like yours the girl from the ring emerging from the TV to kill them. Don’t smile, don’t change your expression. DON’T BLINK. Hold their state like you’re Wednesday Adams about to do unspeakable things to a spider, and they are the spider. Even the most courageous of stalkers balk at this, but if they don’t…

6) Use the Hannibal Lector. After staring at them for and extended period of time (imagine all the things that have made you scared, imagine you could get revenge on them for putting you here, that’s the thought you need to have), if they are getting closer to you, whisper something like ‘i would fry your liver in garlic’. Even the hardiest ones will be taken aback, but keep it up while making sure you don’t let the others hear you. Things like, occult star readings requiring blood, wondering whether he is the offering the spirits sent. If you’re on this site you’ve read some weird shit at least once. Tell him that. Tell him you would like him to meet your lord, Vlad the Impaler, who requires much blood to be appeased. Be a stereotypical ‘crazy bitch’ like they see in the movies. Believe it or not, this has worked for me twice.

Above all, banish the notion that you have to be polite.

They were impolite by approaching you. If you can, ignore them. If you are not alone, pointedly put headphones in your ear, and don’t make eye contact, wait for them to realise that ‘youre a bitch anyway’ and move away. If you are alone, evade and find places and ways to fix that as soon as POSSIBLE.

And if all else fails, summon Satan.

Something I have learned at work:

Never underestimate the power of a good “EXCUSE me????”

Legit. It makes people STOP IN THEIR TRACKS. This is the one I whip out when people start swearing at me over the headset and always, without fail, they stop what they’re saying, shocked.

Go for offended, and go for loud. Not yelling loud, but giving-your-best-presentation loud. “EXCUSE me??? You approached me two minutes ago, I don’t even know your name, and you want WHAT? Creep.”

For one, the presentation will shock them. For another, that indignant tone? EVERYONE AROUND YOU IS GOING TO WANT TO LISTEN TO THIS JUICY SHIT.

Now the second key here is, DON’T LET HIM JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain). He smiles and goes “I just wanted–” FUCKING INTERRUPT HIM. Firmly. Irritably. “I heard what you wanted, and I’ve already declined once. Maybe you should go back to kindergarten where they teach you no means no.” Run right over the fucker. He’s not respecting your words, you don’t need to respect his.

A further note: if you’re an iPhone user, you can use Siri to call 911. (I know Android has a similar function, but I don’t know what it is–play with your AI and find out.) If you’re in a secluded area, this works well; I used to walk home from work at 2am and had to do it twice. Make eye contact with your harasser, activate Siri, and loudly, firmly say “Siri, call 911.” Siri will immediately reply “calling emergency services.” (It actually takes five seconds to activate, but there’s a Call Now button if you need it.) Almost ALWAYS the person harassing you would rather take off than wait for you to get a dispatcher on the line.

As they say on the podcast, My Favorite Murder:

Fuck Politeness.

This is NOT the kind of thing I usually post on here, but this is something that every female [or, every person honestly, harrassment isnt a one way street]needs to see. This is a fairly active blog, so I hope to see numerous reblogs.

Who cares that this isn’t Harry Potter it’s important