The amount of times I could have been that white girl in the horror movie could honestly be a movie in itself and it’s honestly a waste that my entire life isn’t constantly recorded on film because it would be HILARIOUS
1. That one time I decided to see what was past the old gate in the woods, but when got there it had been smashed in half and there was a decapitated sheep head with no skin just off the trail, so instead I just turned around and went home.
2. That time some friends and I went camping and we found a pile of bones wrapped in a garbage bag buried under a log, but the adult supervisor told us it was nothing, so we just put it back and didn’t talk about it again.
3. The time I was getting chased through the woods at night and I realized “wait it’s dark as fuck” so I just held still until the guy gave up and left.
4. The time this dude said he was in love with me and so he was going to cut my head off and dump my body in a lake, so I told him to grow the hell up, but then he got caught stealing girl’s underwear a day later and I never saw him again
5. That one time in college where I was taking a shortcut on my home at night and a car followed me into a dark alley, so I stared directly into the driver’s side of the window and walked towards it to psych them out
6. The night I was out on a walk and this old guy told me he’d locked his keys in his truck and that he needed someone my size to crawl in through the back window for him, so I told him “you know that sounds super suspicious right” and told him where to find a pay phone for a tow truck instead
7. The one time this random guy on the street said he was in love with me and so he was going to follow me home on my bus, so I clapped him on the shoulder and told him that if he got that close to my bus then I was going to throw him under the wheels, but then this really nice homeless man from Nigeria told the guy to fuck off and then checked to make sure he didn’t follow me onboard
8. That big cat with yellow eyes who I found in a well and brought home who used to put rotting meat in my closet and wake me up by chewing on my face, until I put him back outside and never saw him again.
9. My one cousin who used to come over for the summer who kept calling me ‘piñata’ and hitting me with sticks, until he went back home and was sent to juvie cause he finally got caught torturing animals
10. The time I got lost on the way to a meeting and wound up at a circus tent instead, and got followed by a full-out clown for three vacant street blocks
11. The pet hamster I had when I was seven who would scream all night and eventually escaped by ripping a bar out of its cage and wiggling through the hole. My mom caught it and put it back but it lived another year and a half until one night the screaming just stopped
12. The time I was whistling in the woods and something started whistling back, so I went home
13. That one night at summer camp where a group of girls got together to play ‘bloody mary’ in the lavatory and invited me to come with them so I said “no thanks” and stayed with the camp councillors and drank soup instead.
14. The old abandoned house I just moved into with the door that leads into a big empty room full of dirt and empty cooking pots that I just sort of… locked up forever and never go near
15. Once when I was at an ihop I saw a coffee mug do a full 360º spin with nobody touching it, so I said ‘that was neat’ and never ate there again
16. The time I took a photo of a big old raven sitting on the crucifix on top of the old town church cause it was the most goth thing I’d ever seen, right? But then it swooped down towards me, so I apologized immediately for being rude, and I felt a little silly for a while but the car that hit me on the way home didn’t even leave a bruise so idk be nice to birds
Sorry I know I bring this shit up a lot but sometimes im awake at night and I just. keep thinking
I think the secret to survival is to be good to animals, stay away from men, and say “no thanks” to everything else
Tag: love it
The story of the Distant Goddess is absolute proof that it’s a crime that Ancient Egyptian mythology hasn’t entered the popular conciousness in the same way as Greek stuff.
Short, super paraphrased version: Ra is sick of humanity being rebellious wee bastards, so he sends a goddess as an embodiment of his vengeance, usually Sekhmet in the form of a great fuckoff lion – first to the southern deserts to wipe out the followers of Set. She does so, and then for unspecified reasons, Ra decides maybe humanity is redeemable hey call off the murderlion. But being an embodiment of pure divine retribution, she isn’t really having it.
So Ra sends Thoth out in an effort to soothe the goddess before she arrives in the north and wipes out everything including the gods (she’s just that strong). He’s terrified, but he tries all sorts of cunning and wisdom and trickery and tells her moral tales and all that, but all he can do is delay her.
In the meantime, Ra’s priests of the north are hard at work. They brew thousands of barrels of beer, and mix pots and pots red dye. And when the goddess inevitably arrives, they mix it up and pour it into the reeds of the nile. Believing it to be the spilled blood of her enemies, she drinks it up proudly… And gets EXTREMELY drunk, calming down and transforming into Hathor, goddess of joy and love.
And once a year to celebrate this momentous occasion, Egyptians would get Absolutely Plastered.
I didn’t find details on the exact date, but some cross-googling suggests the festival occured around the start of the Nile flood season, which is in mid-July.
Anyone got a more precise date?
Well, the traditional beginning of the flood season varies from year to year based on the first rise of the star Sirius before sunrise, and also marks the beginning of the ancient Egyptian new year. The Festival of Drunkenness would be held about 20 days after that.
Sirius’ rise – which varies around the world based on longitude, but basing it on Egypt for consistency’s sake – happens on the 24th of July in 2018.
So if you want to get smashed on behalf of an angry cat, the 13th of August is the day to mark down.
Today’s the day fuckers, get smashed on behalf of a cat.
It’s a really good time to be an Avatar fan right now, with a LOT of content coming our way soon. So much that it’s hard to keep track of…
So here’s a classic korranews masterpost with everything you need to know.
⛰️🔥🌪️🌊
The Road Ahead: an Avatar mega update— September 2018
First up, in case you missed it, the following recent-ish stuff is already out!
- All three parts of The Legend of Korra: Turf Wars graphic novel trilogy
- The Legend of Korra: Pro-bending Arena, a super cool table top game with detailed figurines of a bunch of the characters
- Secrets of Elvendale, a fantasy series on Netflix animated by Studio Mir
- Pins!!! Check their online store because there’s about a million new ones (I need to make a whole masterpost just for that…)
- The trailer for The Dragon Prince, a new animated fantasy series from the head writer of ATLA
- The 2018 Korra FCBD comic
- ATLA in true 1080p HD on Blu-ray and digital download!!!!!
And coming soon…
Imbalance
A new ATLA graphic novel trilogy, with a brand new writer and artist! The story covers a burgeoning bender-nonbender conflict in an industrial town, a very intriguing potential first link to the founding of Republic City and bridging the seventy-year gap to TLOK.
Part 1 comes out this year, on December 12th. Part 2 follows on April 16th 2019, with Part 3 expected in approximately August next year as well.
See all the detailed info we have so far, and keep up-to-date, with our #imbalance tag.
Team Avatar Tales
An anthology of comics following Team Avatar on various never-before-seen adventures! We don’t know a lot yet but this should be a very nice collection of stories.
This anthology hits shelves on January 2nd, 2019.
Turf Wars library edition
If the ATLA trilogies’ library editions are anything to go on, this volume collecting all three parts of Turf Wars should be a stunning hardcover with plenty of cool behind the scenes info, art, and extras.
You can get it on March 26th, 2019.
An Avatar’s Chronicle
This scrapbook-type release dealing with Korra looking back on her journey so far is going to be filled with gorgeous, full illustrations and posters, in-universe letters, inserts, mementos, keepsakes, photos, and more. It should also have some new stories and moments with the characters. Sounds cool!!
It comes out on May 21st, 2019.
The Rise of Kyoshi
This one technically isn’t ATLA or TLOK… we’re venturing into new territory?!?!
A big surprise we very happily got hit with recently, The Rise of Kyoshi is an upcoming epic YA novel series about the origins of Avatar Kyoshi from a humble corner of the Earth Kingdom, starting her journey to legendary greatness.
It’s going to be two books, with the first hitting shelves on July 16th, 2019. When Book 2 comes is anybody’s guess, but a year later in summer 2020 is a potential ballpark.
The next Korra trilogy
This is the one we know least about, but what’s exciting is that we know it exists at all! Korra’s story isn’t over yet: we have confirmation that a new graphic novel trilogy is happening. The rumor mill says we might finally be seeing the Fire Nation, but only time will tell…
We can hopefully expect some concrete information about this at NYCC in October. As for a release date, expect at least a few months between the end of Imbalance and the start of this, so late 2019 at the earliest, but probably 2020.
Oh, and one last thing…
FUNKO POPS ARE COMING
That is all.
— ⛰️🔥🌪️🌊
So there you have it, the full slate! Novels, graphic novels, comics, merch, books of all kinds… yep, it’s a good time to be an Avatar fan. (Next week in particular might have a lil something in store for you… 👀)
Who knows what else is just around the corner?! Whatever it is, it’s clear that this franchise is still going strong and won’t be stopping any time soon. Good news for us!!
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