A communion wafer, according to the internet, is about .25g. Jesus was a healthy young man, who worked manual labor and walked everywhere. The average male in Biblical times was 5′1″ and about 110 pounds so call it 50kg or 50,000 grams. So 200,000 wafers to make up a whole Jesus. At one wafer a week that’s 3846 to eat a whole Jesus at weekly communion. If you went to Mass daily you could do it in under 550 years.
1000 communion wafers from Amazon costs $15, so acquiring a Jesus load would set you back about $3000
But that’s just the body. Jesus also bade his followers to drink his blood. How much of that Jesus communion wafer supply needs to be replaced with communion wine to account for his blood, and how much of that would need to be consumed to have drunk all his blood as well?
The human body contains roughly 5 liters of blood.
Communion wine costs about $66 for a case of 12 x 750 ml bottles (9000 ml).
So half a case is 4500 ml, or close enough if Jesus was on the small side which is reasonable given what we know of the times.
Thus, Jesus’ blood would be about 6 bottles of communion wine, costing $33.
How much of his weight was his blood, now? We can bring down the wafer count.
Osnap what an excellent question.
Water has a specific gravity of 1.0 and weighs 1kg/liter. Wine has a specific gravity if 1.5 thus weighs 1.5kg per liter.
4.5L of wine would weigh 6.75kg or about 15 pounds.
Reducing the wafer load by 6.75kg yields 43.25kg so call it 161,000 wafers or $2450 and change.
White Diamond in the Diamond Authority Historical AU
this AU doesn’t have an official story, but secretly she’s the undead empress of a shattered Byzantium, immeasurably powerful and death-defying. Rumour has it she is old enough to remember the fall of Rome.
This is not an exaggeration. Your download speed would slow down to the point where Windows would make this kind of absurd estimate, and you’d sigh and leave the room for a while (because you couldn’t use the computer while it was doing this for fear it would crash and lose all your progress) and then you’d come back in 40 minutes and maybe it would now say 52 years or maybe it would say 3 minutes, who knew, not Windows.
Fun fact: progress bars have only very recently (as in: within the last 5 years) been any indication of the actual amount of progress being made.
The first progress bar was implemented because the computer in question (which literally took up the entire room it was in) was only capable of doing one thing at a time, and if you interrupted it to do something else, all of the previous progress was dumped into the fucking void. So they guy trying to actually get shit done on the machine had it display a still image of a “progress bar” at about 50% over the entire screen, so people would know “oh, the computer is already busy, I should leave it alone until it’s done.” And the image disappeared when the program was finished running.
Windows attempted to display actual progress but was terrible at it. This was because the progress tracking program used a really dodgy measurement system. It worked like this: if there are 100 parts to this thing, and the part we just finished took 5 minutes to do, and there are 70 parts left to do, then the rest of the parts will take 70 x 5 minutes. AND IT DID THAT FOR EACH PART IT HAD JUST FINISHED.
“Ok, the first part took 10 seconds, so obviously the rest of this will take 15ish minutes to finish.” Followed immediately by “Ok, the second part took 30 minutes, so obviously the rest of it will take two entire days to finish.”
So you had a progress estimate that whipped wildly between “this’ll take 5 more seconds” and “this’ll be done 500 years from now.”
If you are ever in doubt about how to send the Nazis back underground, ask an older punk. They’ll tell you it starts with a “Nazis fuck off” and ends with a big stompy boot to the face.
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