buying peaches is so stressful because you have to consume them so quickly…it’s like the moment the cashier types in that number the alpha peach turns to its brothers in the bags and says “alright listen up boys, it’s time to remember your training. i want to see immense bruising by sundown. i want to see you near inedible by sunrise. remember it is better to die a free man than to be eaten.” you gotta wolf down all of your peaches at the check out counter while the trader joe’s employees eagerly look at the Peach Consumption Countdown Clock and cheer you on. these peaches have sensors on them that can tell when they come into contact with human hands so they can begin their self-destruct sequence like you’re in a spy movie and the peach just relayed a message to you about the whereabouts of jimmy hoffa’s decayed remains
Jimmy Hoffa is likely dead
this response carries so much chaotic cursed energy. jimmy hoffa was declared dead in 1982 after disappearing in 1975. he was born in 1913, meaning he would be the miraculous age of 105 today if he wasn’t dead. “likely dead.” the fact that it’s a hetalia blog trying to tell me that he is likely dead. the fact that i specifically mention his decayed corpse in my post so there is literally no reason for someone to alert me that he is “likely” deceased. the fact that this hetalia blog is trying to tell this to me, a person who up until recently literally worked for the international brotherhood of teamsters as a person in charge of handling their historical records. i spent two years of my life answering phone calls from people asking me if i personally knew what happened to jimmy hoffa’s body. ive spent a significantly longer amount of time trying to forget that hetalia exists. my entire career as a hetalia facebook roleplayer at the age of 11 just flashed through my eyes. i legitimately cannot express how much this response has effected me. ive been staring at it for 7 minutes. i feel like ive entered the twilight zone
When you hit your elbow against something, but that specific point of your elbow
it’s…called your funny bone…
that gif tho
It’s not a bone actually- it’s a nerve that is exposed, specifically the ulnar nerve. The reason it feels so weird to hit it is that it’s not designed to deliver pain signals, so when you hit it it just wiggs out and sends Garbage signals to the brain, and the brain is just like “uh, dude- Ulnar, what the hell is this garbage?? You’re supposed to curl a finger and a half, and move some muscles in the forearm, why are you sending me this crap? How am I supposed to make this into sensory output?” And the Ulnar nerve is just like “dude dude dude, brain- what the hell is going on?!?” And the brain goes- “idiot. Fine. You’re on fire, freezing and being electrocuted. Happy?” And the Ulnar goes “holy crap brain!! I’m on fire, freezing and being electrocuted! What am I going to do!!??!” And the brain says “you’re an idiot ulnar. A damn idiot.”
honestly what a fucking iconic response. obviously “hello my name is inigo montoya” is the fucking ultimate but we were all building up this confrontation, this fight, this moment right there alongside inigo who had been doing so for 20 (twenty) fucking years ~and in all that time did he ever think the count would just run away? ha lol no~ but then the count just fucking runs away. and yes it’s a moment of perfect comedic delivery/timing, but it’s also a classic moment of subversion in this movie that is so close to being perfect if not for westley’s shitty moustache (kudos to buttercup for still loving him even after she saw that). this film dances so delicately with fulfilling and subverting tropes and it’s moments like this that just exemplifies that
this is what plays when you’re dying and your life is flashing before your eyes
*puts this on my End Of The World playlist*
Ok @peachcrushedvelvet is 100% accurate but here are several other situations I feel this beautiful creation could apply to
1. End of the world type of experience as noted above by @nero-neptune i.e. meteors falling and people running, things exploding and desperately trying to survive
2. Desperately running through your house avoiding attackers (guns, projectiles, of some type)
3. You’re in a library and you accidentally knock something over which knocks over all of the shaves domino style and you’re running down the hallway with them falling in the background.
Everybody please contribute
4. You finally experience love at first sight, but they’re in the middle of a bank heist and you’re getting caught in the cross fire
5. You’re getting arrested in roller skates at the laundromat
6. Intergalactic space travel in the form of a gay cruise
you are falling off a very tall biulding
Fallout 1976
An elevator ends up falling down a shaft with you in it in a superhero movie
10. That pot brownie kicks in right as you start falling backwards onto the grass in the middle of an open field.
11. A slo-mo montage of a riot
12. You’re an eccentric (queer coded) villain in an action movie who’s dancing up to the tied up hero, about to explain your evil plan.
we’ve been seeing female characters drawn with their nipples pointing out of their clothes, with cameltoe poppin’ out of leather pants somehow, with thong leotards with their butt cheeks flapping in the wind. is about time we saw some super men dick if u ask me
Honestly I read the bleeding cool article when the news broke and laughed my ass off.
“Many retailers were okay with a butt crack…. But a Batpenis on full display in many areas of the United States of America is a different story entirely. There are calls to make the comic returnable. Or maybe reprinted with the original shadow.”
I have to ask, where is this energy when Supergirl, a 16 year old character, has dozens of panty shots with her skirt just so? Are these people who are upset and demanding returnable orders over a rated M comic book with a penis inside it also upset when a RHATO 32, a rated T comic book, had Starfire wearing what is essentially lingerie lounging seductively on a sports car with her perfectly round magic breasts?
Bruce Wayne has an anatomically sized penis that was drawn without sexualization in a book meant to be purchased and read by adults and comic stores are freaking out and want their money back. They’re weak as hell. Bruce’s nude body was drawn with more respect than the clothed bodies of teenage girls.
In reference to the guy who kicked that pro-life protestor, I think it should be pointed out that the pro-choice movement will never, ever be as violent as the pro-life movement. Bill O’Reilly ran a profile on abortion-providing doctor George Tiller every other week calling him a baby killer until a pro lifer shot him in front of his family and friends at his own church. In Pensacola FL they gunned down an abortion doctor. Another doctor started flying out across the country every week to replace him with a bodyguard in tow until another prolifer from that same crowd murdered them both in broad daylight. These people are animals, the pro choice movement will never, ever be anything like them.
rip tumblr 