Every time my extended family gets together in upstate ny, we (the Adults) all get wasted & at least 1 giant Family Scandal comes outâŚ..tonight is that night..
Weâve Got A Winner Folks, And It Involves Arson AND A Nun!
So apparently my aunt cecelia (not really my aunt, just the best friend of my dads cousin, whomst we also call aunt) once married a dude referred to only as Florida Asshole. He was named such because he apparently left my aunt cecelia while she was in the hospital, stole all of their stuff, and fucked off to florida. Aunt cecelia then hired a p.i. to find him, as u do, and went down to florida with my dads cousin (who was going to florida for a work trip, and had no idea Florida Asshole was there). Apparently the p.i. told aunt cecelia which city the guy was in, but hadnt found the exact address yet, so ofc aunt cecelia did what any other able bodied half insane scorned person might. She went to a costume shop, bought a full nun costume, and went door to door under the assumption that she was collecting charity. (She did, in fact, donate everything she collected. This was an important fact to her). At one of the houses, she looked in the window and noticed an awful lot of furniture that used to be hers. So she, obviously, went to a gas station and bought several cans of gasoline, threw a molotov cocktail through the front window, and began pouring gasoline over the rest of the house. At this point, Florida Asshole came outside, recognized his ex wife looking like a renegade nun sent to punish him for his sins, and began beating her. The neighbors, seeing the strange new man beating a nun in his front yard while his house was on fire, did the only sensible thing in this story and called the police. Who promptly arrested Florida Asshole for assaulting a nun. Aunt cecelia did not get arrested, came clean to her best friend, and was immediately sent back to new york with a ticket bought under my other auntâs name. We donât know if she still has an arrest warrant out for her in florida, and thatâs tonightâs Family Scandal!
you wanna see some badass shit from the early 20th century?? The Lumière brothers created the first full color photograph⌠in fucking 1903! So these dudes dyed potatoes (in red, blue, and green), mashed them down into just pure fuckinâ starch, and used these dyed potato starches as filters to block out/let in certain wavelengths of light. They coated one side of a glass plate with the starches and sensitized the other side with a mixture of gelatin and light sensitive materials (silver nitrate) and loaded these plates in their cameras.. This is a really simple explanation of the process and I may have missed some things
call me ignorant but i genuinely donât understand why sports have to be split up by gender.
@ everyone in the notes talking about physical performance: if that were the case, then sports would be divided by physical performance. thatâs a thing you can measure. thatâs a thing that varies by individual. a weak man and a strong man would be an unfair fight in boxing/wrestling/MMA, which is why they divide those sports up into weight groups based on physical performance. but they also further segregate them based on gender. chess is segregated by gender for no reason but sexism. if itâs actually about skill and physical ability, then measure those and separate people by those metrics. donât do some bullshit gender segregation and pretend like men and women are inherently on different levels no matter their individual abilities.
đ
Remember that time a teenage girl struck out Babe Ruth? Thatâs fucking why. Men are afraid of being beaten by women.
My BiL is a neurologist who has done a lot of sleep research and one of his favorite areas of study is circadian rhythms. He says that being a night owl is real, it is predicated on the genetic structure of the brain, it is not just âlaziness,â and it is not a disorder. He hypothesizes that its original evolutionary purpose was basically to produce night watchmenâpeople who can stay awake and alert at night to protect the domicile while the early birds sleep.
So weâre not lazy, night owls; weâre the fucking late shift lookouts. Gonna grab my torch and patrol the perimeter if anyone would like to join me.
can we take a moment to just think about how incredibly scary magical healing is in-context?
You get your insides ripped open but your friend waves his hands and your flesh just pulls back together, agony and evisceration pulling back to a âkinda hurtsâ level of pain and youâre physically whole, with the 100% expectation that youâll get back up and keep fighting whatever it was that struck you down the first time.
You break your arm after falling somewhere and after youâre healed instead of looking for âanother way aroundâ everybody just looks at you and goes âokay try againâ.
Youâve been fighting for hours, youâre hungry, thirsty, bleeding, crying from exhaustion, and a hand-wave happens and only two of those things go away. youâre still hungry, youâre still weak from thirst, but the handwave means you have âno excuseâ to stop.
You act out aggressively maybe punch a wall or gnash your teeth or hit your head on something and itâs hand-waved because itâs âsuch a small injury you probably canât even feel it anymoreâ but the point was that you felt it at all?
Your pain literally means nothing because as long as youâre not bleeding youâre not injured, right? Here drink this potion and who cares about the emotional exhaustion of that butchered village, why are you so reserved in camp donât you think itâs fun retelling that time you fell through a burning building and with a hand-wave you got back up again and ran out with those two kids and their dog?Â
Older warriors who get a shiver around magic-users not because of the whole âfireballâ thing but the âI donât know what a normal pain tolerance is anymoreâ effect of too much healing. Permanent paralysis and loss of sensation in limbs is pretty much a given in the later years of any fighterâs life. Did I have a stroke or did the mage just heal too hard and now this side of my face doesnât work? No iâm not dead from the dragonâs claws but I canât even bend my torso anymore because of how the scar tissue grew out of me like a vine.
Magical healing is great and keeps casualties down.
But man.
That stuff is scary.
shit just got creepy
Or maybe magical healing doesnât leave scars or damage. It is magical, after all.
So after years of fighting, your skin is still perfect. Unmarred. In fact, youâre actually in better shape than regular people who donât get magical healing when they fall out of trees or walk into doors or cut themselves while cooking dinner. Youâre in such good shape that itâs unnatural.
And the really good healing magic takes away more than just the obvious injuries. You first start noticing it after about ten years when you go home and haha, you look the same age as your younger sibling, thatâs funny.
Not so funny ten years later when they look older. Or forty years later, when you bury them still looking like you did at twenty. When do you retire from this gig anyway? How much damage is too much damage?
How many times do you glimpse the afterlife, or worse, how many times donât you? What do you live through, get used to, show no outward sign of except a perfectly healthy body, too perfect for any person living a real life.
How many times are you sitting in a tavern with your friends and you hear the whispers, because the people around you know. How can they not know? Your weapons shine with enchantments and your armour is better than the best money can buy and there is not a damn scar on you. You hardly seem human to them.
How long before you hardly seem human to yourself?
And you find yourself struggling to remember the places where the scars should have been, phantom pains that wake you screaming, touching all the old injuries and finding nothing there. Itâs all in your head. Was it ever anywhere else?
How long before youâre fighting a lich or a vampire or some other undead monster and you wonderâŚ
its freezing and the heater is broken so im gonna run the most challenging-to-render thing i own (minecraft) and make my pc so hot itll warm the room up
ok we good
So this is what hubris looks like in physical formâŚ