i love in fantasy when its like “king galamir the mighty golden eagle and his most trusted advisor who would never betray him, gruelworm bloodeye the treacherous”
When my sister and I were kids we had this one action figure, who was actually a brutalized batman doll without his cape (the dog chewed half his head, too), who we dubbed ‘Evil Chancellor Traytor’. The idea was that in the fictional society of our toys, ‘chancellor’ just came with the word ‘evil’ in front of it, as a matter of ancient tradition. Like ‘grand’ or ‘high’ or something along those lines.
Anyway, the running gag was that the king (an old Power Rangers knock-off doll) had absolute and unwavering faith in Evil Chancellor Traytor, who basically comported himself like a mix between Grima Wormtongue and Jafar from the Aladdin movies. Everyone was always sure that Evil Chancellor Traytor had something to do with the nefarious scheme of the day. The dude even carried around a poisoned knife called ‘the kingslayer’.
The additional twist on the joke, though, was that he never was behind anything. The king was actually right. Evil Chancellor Traytor was the most devoted civil servant in the entire Action Figure Dystopia. He spent his nights working on writing up new legislature to ensure that broken toys had access to mobility devices, was always on the lookout to acquire new shoeboxes for expanding city infrastructure, and drafted a proposal that once got half the ‘settlement’ in my sister and I’s closet moved to the upper shelf so that vulnerable toys were less likely to be snatched up by the dog.
The knife, as it turned out, was as symbolic as the ‘evil’ in his name. See, Action Figure Dystopia had a long history of corrupted monarchs getting too big for their thrones and exploiting the underclasses. The job of the Evil Chancellor was to always remain vigilant, and loyally serve a good ruler – or, if the regent should became a despot, to slay them on behalf of the people.
But since killing the king would be a terrible crime, the Evil Chancellor had to be the kind of person who would willingly die to spare the people from the plight of a wicked leader; because the murder would be pinned on them, in order to keep the ‘machinery of politics’ working as smoothly as ever.
Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor had a diary, in which my sister I would take turns writing out the most over-the-top good shit he’d done behind the scenes. Usually after everyone else had finished talking shit about him. I don’t know why but we got the biggest kick out of being like:
Barbie With the Unfortunate Haircut: Oh that Evil Chancellor Traytor! Why can’t the king see how wicked he is?!
Charmander From the Vending Machine: Char!
Jurassic Park Toy of Jeff Goldblum With Disturbingly Realistic Face: At least if someone puts a knife in the king’s back, we’ll know where to look!
Evil Chancellor Traytor’s Diary: Today I was feeding ducks at the park when I noticed another legless action figure sitting by the benches. I put a hundred dollars into his bag while he wasn’t looking. I really need to increase budgeting to the medical treatment centers. If only we had enough glue, I think we would see far fewer toys trying to get by without limbs… *insert iconic evil laugh*
Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor eventually fell victim to one of my mom’s cleaning sprees, and she decided he was too busted up to keep and tossed him out. My littler brother, who tended to follow my sister and I’s games like he was watching a daily soap opera, cried so hard that we had to do a special ‘episode’ where one of the toys found the Evil Chancellor’s diary, and so he got a big huge memorial and the king threw himself into the empty grave and then ordered the toys driving the toy bulldozer to bury him so that ‘Traytor’s grave would have a body’ (this seemed very important for some reason).
And then we had the Quest For a New King. Somehow or another that ended up being a giant rubber snake called ‘Tyrant King Cobra’.
::closes tab, shuts off computer, and proceeds to have the best day ever just by knowing this exists::
“sex positivity” was a mistake. it’s not being utilized in a way that lets people (especially young girls, people of color and lgbt people) have proper access to information about sex and STDs, consent, or rape culture but instead it just promotes a “fuck whoever you want whenever you want and never think about the consequences!” mindset. it leads to a lot of minors making god awful decisions and then regretting them later with nothing they can do about it. it leads to “being open about your kinks is progressive!!!!” which in turn ends up with men pressuring women into violent sex and saying that if she was a #Real sex positive feminist, then she’d have sex with him how he wants her to.
sex positivity should’ve been used to promote education of safe sex, to lessen stigma around sex (especially between sga and trans individuals), to give sex workers a voice, to spread proper information about STDs and prevention and treatment, and to teach about rape culture and consent. but as with most movements like this all it ended up being was a red lipstick and black heels “fuck the patriarchy” type thing while doing literally nothing progressive! and of course i’m not saying there’s nobody who does this, but with the way the sex positivity movement has gone, i doubt these people have the energy to try and have a loud enough voice in a community spewing the opposite of the message that should be gotten across.
ok so there’s a game me and my friends play called “don’t get me started” and basically someone gives another person a random topic and they have to go on an angry rant about it and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to us at parties and car rides so I highly recommend playing sometimes with your friends
I love this idea. We used to do things like this in Improv.
Related game: “THINK ABOUT IT.” You’re given a random topic, and your job is to build it into an epic conspiracy theory, the crazier the better. You end your rant with a serious face and the command that your listeners “Think about it.”
Another related game: Illuninati. Similar to Think About It except you are given 2 completely different topics and you have to connect them to each other in a wild conspiracy rant
the wildest thing happened to me the other day i found out a male coworker is into irish music so i told him that my dad is an irish musician and would he like to come to a session and he straight up irl said to me “name 5 irish songs your dad knows”
he asked me if i play and i told him i played the fiddle when i was a teenager but havent played in years and he was like “oh cool. i play drums” as in a drum kit you know the famously folkish instrument the drum kit. bitch my name is molly o’reilly you really wanna challenge the legitimacy of my irish music involvement
Urban Outfitters (Along with racism and anti-feminism.)
Boy Scouts America
Gay-friendly companies include:
Starbucks
Wal-mart
Google
General Mills cereal
American Express
Mariott Hotels
SO REMEMBER. Get some Starbucks coffee, go on Google to shop at Wal-mart.com with your American Express card while eating a bowl of General Mills cereal and enjoy your stay at our fine Mariott Hotels.
Also shop at target, they dropped ties with transphobic and homophobic companies and are one of the most inclusive employers in the country
Just to clarify…Girl Scouts is completely separate from Boy Scouts. Girl Scouts is very gay & trans friendly and is overall a great organization that empowers little girls and promotes community involvement and kindness so go out and buy as many girls scout cookies as you can
How are we defning gay-friendly companies here? Are they friendly to gay people trying to make a living wage or do they pay their workers below the $15hr that labor groups are advocating for? Do they actually have protections for LGBT+ employees or have they just done a pro-gay ad?
It’s important to look at these things with a critical eye, to see whether companies are actually willing to back up a progressive stance or whether they’re just interested in marketing to a progressive demographic. I mean, us queers have money to spend too.
Also, I’m deeply uncomfortable with that last line telling you to what to buy as if consuming all those products constitutes some kind of political action. Even if those companies are great (which I doubt, especially in the case of Wal-Mart), making consumer choices isn’t actually activism, and anyone who says otherwise is trying to sell you something.
hot take: ‘chivalry’ is fine as long as it’s adapted to 21st century values. if you are a male, you SHOULD be aware that your female friends face certain issues that you as a male dont. acting on that awareness in a way that keeps your female friends safe, isn’t a bad thing.
like… opening doors isn’t rly chivalrous when it’s just a thing you ought to do for everyone. but real 21st century chivalry might be, like, standing between your female friend and the guy that’s trying to get her drunk, or offering to walk her home when it’s late.
if the ‘chivalry’ inconveniences everyone involved and you’re just doing it for your over-inflated male ego — ie, “no you’re the girl here, you HAVE to let me hold this door for you and do all these things for you even when you can do it yourself and im just slowing you down” — then it’s just outdated misogyny.
rip tumblr 