Tag: wow

fantheoriesandfoodporn:

As a fairly non-religious jew I don’t think I ever appreciated how badass the story of passover was until I considered how it would look to your average egyptian dude living through it

Imagine growing up all your life being waited on by a race of slaves who despite living in squalor cling to the belief that they were the chosen of this omnipotent elder god. You laugh this up, pray to Horus and then go about your day

Then one day, a slave with a robe and staff barges into the palace claiming to be the hand of an elder god and demands liberation. You grab the popcorn and try to get a front row seat while the two highest level clerics in the entire kingdom demolish the guy, then watch in shock as he summons a giant cobra and kills them both in one go.

Then, Over the next 10 days you watch this warlock proceed to flood your rivers with blood, summon hordes of wild vermin, drop a pestilence on your people and livestock.

All the while your king goes off and says “we don’t negotiate with terrorists”

Its at this point that the hand of a dark and ancient god has had enough, and with a wave of his scepter like a conductors baton, he calls down the fucking reckoning. As meteors stream from the sky, the warlock yells out his incantation. It’s not an ancient tongue, or poem of dread. Just four simple words: “let my people go”. With one more breath he raises his staff, and with the screaming of a million angels he puts out the sun

At this point I should point out that with each plague this sorcerer has turned the domain of one of your gods against you, starting with Sobek: god of the Nile and working his way up until it appears he has struck down Horus: the god of gods.

Your gods are dead, and the only one still alive is your pharaoh: the representative of the gods on earth

Now, with extreme prejudice, this sorcerer summons a fucking angel of death, and one by one it slaughters the heir of every family until your own king, a firstborn himself pleads for mercy and gives in.

As the freed slaves retreat, your king grins and unleashes a sneak attack, pinning the sorcerer and his people between an army and the sea. Finally this sorcerer, who the whispers say was a fallen prince, raises his staff in mock surrender, and when he brings it down the fucking ocean shatters. Leaving a jagged crack for his people to escape

God fucking damn that’s hardcore

I made some ASMR ambient atmosphere mixes for your highly specific needs

runnerfivestillalive:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

1.) Haunted campout in a northern forest where strange beasts lurk in the distance and whispers of the unquiet dead keep you awake through the long dark night 
2.) The Joker is probably getting ready to murder you horribly in an abandoned warehouse
3.) Killer Croc hunts you through the Gotham sewers, occasionally eating corpses 
4.) Man has pleasant vanilla sex with a monster in cheap motel bed
5.) You’re the last gunslinger marching across a dreary wasteland after the world has moved on, pursuing the man in black across the desert while the machines of the old world still hum their death throes

6.) woman flees across frozen tundra from evil mechanical whales from another dimension
7.) frightend young boy is chased through forest by the Wild Hunt and their eldritch hounds

8.) Baba Yaga has kidnapped you and prepares to cannibalize you as part of a hearty and well-balanced meal 
9.) Drinking a stolen soda at the bottom of the Mariana Trench and burping from the highly-pressurized gas
10.) mute woman has quiet sexy encounter with an amphibious monster in an aquarium
11.) 

n00b necromancer digs up bones from a church graveyard for the first time, crying with guild and anxiety as angry spirits murmur in anger at her trespassing

12.) Hiding scared and alone in the dark as the fabric of reality is unwoven by interdimensional forces beyond our understanding, and the world as we know it comes to a dark and brutal end
13.) Amateur cryptid-hunter hikes alone through woods on a breezy summer’s day, searching for evidence of the paranormal and oblivious to danger
14.) lesbian lumberjack chops down tree in the early morning while thinking dreamily about her new wife

I’m seriously impressed by how much story and emotion these hold.

5779:

louis farrakhan called Jews termites yesterday and we will still see absolutely no meaningful condemnation of him from people like Linda Sarsour and other women’s march leadership – because leftists will never show us the same kind of solidarity they expect from us