one picture that sums up the 27 powerful images I didnt bother to look at
if i saw some bloke change his profile pic to him with the literal grim reaper and then i found out he straight up died i would lose my shit over the absolute madman
Tldr my apartment made up a fake postman dog attack and kicked my PTSD service dog out bc I wouldn’t sign an illegal document giving them the right to evict either of us at any time for any reason. I ended up retiring said SD for his own health because of an unexpected diagnosis of arthritis, so it became a non issue. (Though this didn’t keep corporate from calling me to threaten me and tell me “you can quote as many laws as you want, I don’t care”) Then when I got an emotional support animal this week (who will hopefully be able to transition into becoming my new SD), they tried to force me to sign the same illegal shit. They started in on the threats again, even after I reminded them that they can’t add on conditions beyond what the law allows, and can’t coerce me into signing.
Soooo we called the DOJ/FHA/ADA, who confirmed that what they’re doing is super illegal. They also said they’d issue a cease and desist.
When we informed my apartment, they said nothing.
So there I am, just chilling in my bathtub with Pokemon sun/moon playing on Netflix on my phone, eating white cheddar popcorn straight out of the bag and philosophizing about why they’re so much more spherical than microwave popcorn, when someone BREAKS INTO MY FUCKING ROOM.
WHAT THE FUCK.
So my fresh – from – the – humane – society – hurricane – Harvey dog starts barking,and I start freaking out bc I’m naked and my towel is in the dryer, and???
Turns out they broke in to leave a neon pink envelope on the top of Chisme’s tank evicting me for “failure to adjust to the college lifestyle” ??????? And giving me THREE FUCKING DAYS TO GET OUT.
THREE. FUCKING. DAYS.
So that’s a thing.
A super illegal thing.
All of this a week and a half before finals.
Bc of course.
@ mercury YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUT OF RETROGRADE, WTF MAN
Expect a crowdfunding thing for finding a new place / necessities / attorney fees.
marvel actors: I don’t know anything. I’ve never even seen another actor on set besides myself. I haven’t even read the script. Everyone is cgi in later. I don’t even know what I look like cause i have a green screen bag over my head. I have to be told what to say during each scene that which I know NOTHING about.
hey everybody, welcome to another amazing installment of Weird Biology and WOWIE ZOWIE do I have an odd one for you today!
this bizarre creature is among the largest of its kind, but bears hardly any resemblance to the rest of the family. (we’re sure this gets mentioned a lot at its family holiday dinners.) it has a real mouthful of a name and the spirit of a cranky old man about to whack you in the shin with his walker.
give it up for…
I’ll just give this image a moment to sink in.
(it’s also called the small-headed softshell turtle, because scientists are a bunch of mean highschoolers.)
seriously, I don’t even really know where to START with this guy. unlike the humble regular earnest hardworking turtle, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle does not have an armored shell (hence the name). instead, its shell is soft and leathery. like a pair of well-broken-in Timblerland boots, except that the boots will not bite you.
oh, he is absolutely going to bite you.
this soft pliable shell cuts down on the turtle’s weight by a huge amount, making them far more agile in the water and faster on land than a conventional everyman turtle (this should make you worried). the flattened shape of the shell also makes them more hydrodynamic, making them faster in the water than you can possibly imagine.
for a turtle, I mean.
this is an important advantage, because the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends most of its life in the water. they live on the bottoms of sandy rivers across a wide area of central and southern Asia, where they reach sizes best described as fucking huge. adults can reach up to 45 inches (shell length only) and 260 fucking pounds (whole damn turtle).
their total body length can be over a meter. fuuuuuuuuck. a turtle that size needs a LOT of shoulder room, especially because the adults are a bunch of cranky ginormous chompmonsters. (can’t really blame them, I guess. I’d be irritable too, if my head was that small)
now imagine a cheesed-off 260-pound turtle swimming towards you at Mach Fuck.
Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtles are aggressive, and will attack anything they consider a threat (including humans, fishing boats, and probably also rocks). their primary attack is to just bite the fuck out of whatever is annoying them , but their secondary move is the one to watch out for.
when terminally pissed off, the turtle extends the full length of its surprisingly long neck and delivers a literal cannon headbutt. this attack has been documented as being powerful enough to damage fishing boats. imagine what it would do to your face. (nothing good. if you see this turtle winding up, run.)
the true face of terror.
when left to its own devices, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends its time buried at the bottom of the river, waiting for its next meal to happen by. (which it can do almost indefinitely because softshell turtles can breathe underwater, holy shit.) once another animal smaller than itself passes overhead the turtle strikes, mortally wounding the prey with its nightmare bite (no joke, the first strike usually kills instantly. this is a creature capable of taking a chunk out of your leg). it’s a pretty solid gig, if you’re a lonely grumpmonster.
beats pumping gas all day, I guess.
in fact, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends so much of its life underwater that we… don’t really know all that much about it. apart from the biting thing, I mean. the turtle has been very clear on that.
we’re not even entirely sure how long they live, though captive turtles have made it more than 70 grouchy, grouchy years. locals in India claim that in the wild individual river bastards can stick around for up to 140 years, which I am inclined to believe because these people fish for a living and they have to remember where the boat-sinking nightmare turtles live.
it’s only common sense.
despite its wide range, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle is now considered Endangered. (note: this is not allowed. what would we replace them with? large cantankerous frogs? big passive-aggressive catfish? I DON’T THINK SO.)
this is primarily due to human hunting, as the turtles are consumed in huge number throughout Asia. (humans will eat anything.)
the government of India has now moved to protect the turtle, restricting trade and moving to conserve the species. we dearly hope this will be enough to save the grumpy frumpy river grandpa.
please stay with us forever, Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle. we love your tiny tiny face and terrible attitude.
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thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.
if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee to support Weird Biology.
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IMAGE SOURCES
img1- Wikimedia Commons img2- conservationindia.org img3-zoosrcool.wordpress.com img4- Joel Sartore img5- Turtle Survival Alliance img6- Turtle Survival Alliance img7- The TeCake img8- Joel Sartore
Happy International Turtle and Tortoise Week, Narrow-Headed Softshell friend! We celebrate you and hope you’re around for many more generations of shell lovers to admire!
What an excellent post about a relative of a species we highlighted in our post today for ITTW! Losing a GRUMPface this amazing would be devastating. Help save us shells!
theres a new product by verzion called “hum” that allows your parents to track your car and places you go, if your parents are controlling like mine please check under your steering wheel to make sure that they havent installed this
here is what it looks like installed:
you can read more about it here, and here– this excerpt sums up what information Hum will send:
“a car’s owner will be able to get notified on their phone when the vehicle leaves a pre-determined area or drives faster than a set speed… [Hum] will enable location tracking and a driving log, which measures travel times, engine idle times, and average speeds.”
People in abusive relationships, please check your cars.
DO NOT TRY TO UNPLUG IT BY YOURSELF!
To add to this nightmare, I’ve just heard of a thing called ForceField where people get to monitor and block internet sites that you’re going on if they don’t approve.
It tells the user what sites/apps you’re going on, for how long you’re on them, and WHERE YOU ARE ON AN UPDATING MAP.
So you know if you’re in an abusive household and use sites like tumblr to escape and talk to friends, you could be cut off from that.
They say “it’s not spyware” but it sure sounds controlling and creepy to me.
signalboost
God. Fuck. That’s scary.
Life 360 is another tracker. My parents have used it on me, not allowing me to delete it from my phone, and sometimes even demanding selfies to prove I was where the map said. (As if I’d go anywhere without my phone)
SpectorPro is another one. Afaik it can’t track location, but it takes screenshots roughly every 20sec to allow the installer to watch a video of your computer activity. It also tracks all keystrokes, so passwords aren’t safe, and records any website you visit + the duration. It’s incredibly creepy and a huge violation of privacy, and was one of the cornerstones of my abuse as a kid.
even if you’re not in an abusive relationship/family, please spread this because you might have just saved someone’s life
You ever see something so funny you bypass laughing entirely and go straight for crying?
always reblog
I fucking HATE how this has almost one million notes and ive NEVER seen this. I have missed out on life. This was the best study break video I have ever seen. I’m dying. I most def sharted.
