social media aus make everything better lmao literally imagine the harry potter books + social media. second year someone snapchats a picture of literal death threats written on the walls in blood captioned ‘’hogwarts its the safest place in the world’ lmao bitch where??’ fourth year #potterstinks is trending locally on twitter. sixth year story gets out about harry’s conversation with snape and everybody in the gryffindor group chat changes their name to ‘roonil wazlib’ for a week. draco bitching about harry on yik yak as if the entire school doesn’t know for a fact its him.
if i may
Hogwarts girls all sharing pinterest boards of the ideal
yule ball #aesthetic
Fred and george’s twitters being #1 in the school because
they post stuff like: ‘Filch’s office has a nice carpet it would be a shame if
someone… replaced it with ants… hmm… imagine… swarms of ants… in Flich’s
office… right at this moment…’
Inquisitorial Squad has a facebook page which it’s
compulsory to like but no matter how hard they try they can’t get anyone to
like their new profile pic of all of them posing like absolute white boys
outside the greenhouses
Dumbledore is the Cher of Hogwarts Twitter
Colin Creevy’s snapchat story basically just being videos of
Harry sleeping with captions like ‘the boy who sleeps!!!!!!’
Moaning Mertle having 38 minute long youtube videos that
have 2 views
A reddit thread of ‘Where is Sirius Black???’ and someone
keeps posting dog puns on it but no one knows who it is
Dumbledore has to ask everyone at the start of term feast to
stop creating fake McGonagall Instagram’s that are just full of cat pictures
with captions like ‘my damn hair was a CAT-astrophe today’
YAHOO ANSWERS: ‘if I was trying to sneak a bunch of cloaked
figures into school without anyone noticing in order to redeem my father in the
eyes of Death Eater Jesus how would I do that I am asking for a friend’
MORE YAHOO ANSWERS: ‘how to tell entire class of students
that teacher is a werewolf without arousing suspicion’
FUCKING YAHOO ANSWERS MAN: ‘is it bad to keep dragon inside
wooden house’ and then ‘spell to rebuild wall of wooden house after enormous
fire’
Slughorn would be one of those instagramers who tag
everything with about 3939 tags like #followforafollow #likeforalike #f4f
#funny #hilarious #lol #popular #fitness #instalike #inspiration #love #hate
even when the photo is literally just a shot of his thumb
I could go on for years oh my god can you picture McClaggans
Facebook where he tags Hermione in every fitness photo until she is forced to
unfriend him
Out of nowhere people start getting followed by someone called @Thesiriusblack on instagram and all it has is a “surprise bitch, I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me” meme
the memes though
history of hogwarts becomes a huge thing because fred and george got their hands onto youtube so everyone talks about it now. “sticks. and brooms. broomsticks”
neville becomes FAMOUS for years because trevor is the face of the pepe meme.
peeves playing “never gonna give you up” near valentine’s day
the wizarding schools around the world compete to see which does the best harlem shake
Everyone competing in the Running Man Challenge; Dumbledore and McGonagall kill it on their way out of the Great Hall one night after dinner
Draco acts furious (but is secretly flattered) because Blaise and Theo have started “Damn Draco” on twitter
#drarry is trending, someone makes a fan account and it’s basically just gifs of Draco saying “Potter”
Luna posts videos of different magical creatures; most of them are just random videos the ceiling/the forest while Luna talks about nargles and everyone just scrolls past them until she gets to Thestrals and something is eating that apple
Harry finds @/TheHalfBloodPrince on instagram, is really confused bc it’s basically just pictures of potions captioned “let simmer for 2 weeks? ha, made it in 2 days” and pictures of his dad captioned “stupid potter”
#MyFatherWillHearAboutThis is trending
Dean and Seamus start a YouTube channel called ‘A Day in The Life of McGonagall’ where they post weekly videos of them following random cats around Hogwarts
Hermione makes a tumblr for SPEW; her only followers are Dobby and Dumbledore
If space travel doesn’t involve sea shanties then I think we’ll have missed an opportunity.
You see though, for sea travel you want big strong people who are capable of managing rigging. For space travel you want small low-mass people who are technically educated, as they are called, nerds. Your space shanties are going to be less booming and more squeaky.
in so far as there will be space shanties, they’ll be filk
I call shenanigans on the big strong people; sailors were young and malnourished by modern standards, and climbing around the rigging is easier if you’re small and light.
Like, I am 100% in favor of shanties in as many situations as possible, but I’m having trouble coming up with a mode of space travel that would require multiple humans to move in concert, thus necessitating songs with a strong beat to move to.
Sea chanties were for providing a strong beat to move to. Space chanties might very well arise just because we’re bored, out there between point A and point B for so long.
(Also yes, @gdanskcityofficial up there has the right of it.)
Space shanties are for warp piloting. Under warp drive, human time perception and time as measured by crystal or atomic oscillators don’t match. Starship pilots listen to a small unamplified chorus singing a careful rhythm while keeping their own eyes on a silent metronome that the chorus can’t see, linked to a highly-precise atomic clock. How the chorus and metronome fall in and out of sync tells the pilot how to keep the ship safely in the warp bubble and correctly on course.
Depending on route, a typical warp jump can last anywhere from one to ten minutes, and most courses consist of five to fifteen jumps before a necessary four to six hour break to check the engines, plot the next set of jumps, and give everyone a chance to recover. A good shanty team, with reliable rhythm, a broad, versatile, and extendible repertoire, and the stamina to do 3-4 sets a day over the course of a voyage, is just as vital to space travel as a pilot, navigator, or engineering team.
Other reasons Shanties will experience a revival in the space age:
We will sing for any freaking reason, or no reason at all, and Shanties are FUN to sing.
Deep Space is a lonely place and recruiting people suited to long periods of isolation might be a good idea. People from Newfoundland/Labrador, for instance.
SPACE WHALES
THEY’RE DEFINITELY REAL I FEEL IT IN MY SOUL
“What Do We Do With A Drunken Sailor” is basically a revenge fantasy against your most incompetent co-workers and if there’s something humans love doing, it’s being petty.
i don’t trust tumblr to handle HIV information, it rarely ends well
so, in the early 1980s, many hemophiliacs contracted HIV from Factor VIII, an injected blood product that helps the blood clot. because Factor VIII was made from the plasma of many different blood donors, and because hemophiliacs had to use it frequently, hemophiliacs were at much higher risk of HIV than other blood product recipients.
well, there was a tumblr post about this with many thousands of notes, but because it didn’t explain it well, and because the company involved is Bayer which is best known for its aspirin, and because uninformed fear of HIV makes people panic and not think clearly, tons of people came away from the post thinking that the contaminated product was aspirin and that they should now fear that ordinary oral medicines will somehow give them HIV!
you CANNOT contract HIV from oral medication, or from food. i can’t believe i have to say this, but clearly i do. because as a society we’re at a level of low information and high stigma where we can’t even talk about a corporation knowingly exporting HIV without getting bogged down in urban-legend bullshit like this, and i hate it.
I’m so glad this info graphic is going around, because so many people don’t realize how ageism and misogyny play hand in hand and how the sexualization of young girls play into this.
I vividly remember the scene in like the second movie where the Weasleys were looking at their school supply list and Molly was like “I really don’t know how we’re going to afford it this year” after they had just risked life and limb to rescue Harry and Harry was sitting there eating their food like ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Harry ‘Dickhead’ Potter through a mouth full of Wizardburger Helper “idk…….that’s……wow that sucks i guess lol so i’m thinking about buying this solid gold cauldron what do yall think? a little over the top?”
“oh that’s wild lmao… hey check this out I’m gonna buy all the candy off the cart on the train”
“dude you guys haven’t been able to buy new robes in like 10 years….wow that sucks i guess kek but hey lets go get some butterbeer my treat but fuck you :)”
He was literally 12 years old at this point in time, as well as the fact that he always felt extremely bad about their situation and even tried to pay for things for Ron numerous times, however he knew that Ron was ashamed and prideful over his lack of money.
Not to mention he gave Ginny all of Lockharts Defence Against The Dark Arts books, and gave Fred and George his triwizard winnings in the fourth book.
And if you think, for even a second, that Molly or Arthur Weasley would have ever taken money from him then you don’t know that family at all.
Oh, and when he got all the candy on the train, he was extremely malnourished after being mistreated and abused from living with the dursleys, and made sure that he got enough for himself and Ron, whom he had literally only just met.
a literal child who, only hours prior, was in the process of being starved and abused by his relatives in a room with bars on the windows: *eats food*
@randomdaisy dear herbologist what the fok is this corn dog plant
OH MY GOODNESS I SAW THIS ON TWITTER AND I WAS LIKE “OH NO…. DUDE… DUDE NO”
this plant is, in fact, a cattail (Typha genus, probably either Typha latifolia or Typha angustifolia). what’s ironic about this person’s encounter is that almost every single part of the cattail is edible– the rhizomes are starchy and, although tough, can be made into a nutritious flour; the stems can be peeled and used like asparagus; the pollen can be gathered and used to extend or supplement flour; and even the green flower spikes can be boiled and eaten like corn-on-the-cob, so this person sort of had the right idea.
the thing is, what this person has in their photo is a BROWN flower spike, meaning that it’s starting to go to seed and is probably a tasteless mouthful of either fiber or fluff. regardless of whether the post is a joke or serious, out of all the edible parts of the cattail, op managed to pick one of the ONLY parts of the plant that isn’t. and i still can’t get over that.
As a side note, rubbing that part of the plant makes an absolutely ridiculous amount of fluff come out (which is how it disperses the seeds). I highly recommend it but it’s probably best to do that when no one else is around
are you saying i can jack off this plant and it will nut
rip tumblr 