tv shows with time travel organizations/bureaus/police/agencies/whatever should have a department with instead of a tech genius eating candy, it’s a harried seamstress or fashion designer who is like
“1450 italy? does it look like I have the time to dye you wool? nO. YOU’RE GOING TO THE 1980s”
and throws shoulder pads at the hapless time agent
“I literally made three- THREE- 18th century corsets last week. You can wait until one of them gets back, or you can go sometime post-1920s, because if I have to sew one more god damn channel I will literally lose my mind.”
“Upper middle class?!?!? You told me upper class! FUCK YEAH THERE’S A DIFFERENCE!!!”
“How about kimoNO.”
“Look me in the eyes. I do not care what you want. This is the 1500s. You absolutely cannot wear trousers.”
“Another court gown?? Here’s a novel idea: go as a peasant for once in your life. Why do you do this to me? You’re fucking sadists that’s why.”
“Don’t mind me, I’ll just be up all night hand painting silk.”
“THE POLICY IS ONE MONTH’S ADVANCE NOTICE ON PRE-1900s WOMEN’S FASHION FOR A REASON, DEBRA.”
the funniest thing in the entire pirates of the caribbean series is definitely that one scene in At World’s End where they have parlay but davy jones is part of it, and rather than have him stand in the shallows or something they get a big bucket of water and have in stand on it on shore
who thought of that idea? who thought “put davy jones in a bucket of water” and had the guts to suggest it aloud? and then who went “hey that sounds like a great idea!”
at some point someone told davy jones their idea was for him to stand in a bucket of water and he agreed to it
*stands majestically in a bucket*
ok but notice the trail of buckets behind him meaning he walked from the ocean through three other buckets of water before he got into the one hes standing in
It’s even funnier when you consider how he must have figured all this out in the first place.
Some folks are asking “well, if he can avoid the no-dry-land curse simply by standing in a bucket, doesn’t that ruin his whole motivation?”, but he’s not on dry land here.
The parley takes place on a sandbar – which, for the unfamiliar, is a temporary “island” of sand deposited by breaking waves, unconnected with the shore, that spends most of its time submerged, being exposed only at low tide.
What Jones is doing here is rules-lawyering his curse. Can you imagine the trial and error he must have gone through in order to determine that this would actually work?
“Okay, do islands count as dry land? How about parts of the shore below the high tide mark? Reefs? Shoals? What if I stand in a pool of water on a shoal? Does it have to be seawater, or will any water do? Does it have to be a natural tidepool, or can it be something artificial, like a bucket?”
What I am saying is that there must have been a process.
Pretty sure that this implies that the reverse – a bucket of sand, floating on the water (big bucket with just a bit of sand), would qualify as dry land. That’s absurd, so I’m pretty sure that his lawyer pulled a fast one over the curse governor.
It may be absurd, but the text of the film bears it out. Davy Jones can sense the presence of his heart while it’s at sea, but not while it’s on land (indeed, that’s why he buried it on land in the first place: to break his connection with it) – yet placing the heart in a simple jar of dirt conceals it from Jones’ awareness just as surely as burial on land does, even if the jar is on a boat at the time. Suitably prepared vessels filled with dirt absolutely count as dry land for the purpose of Jones’ curse.
Then the reverse should also be true. If he buried it in a jar of water, no matter how far inland it is, he would be able to sense it. So by this logic, any container of seawater counts as not dry land, ergo, the bucket is a perfectly viable loophole.
Not necessarily. It’s traditionally a lot easier to accidentally get whammied by a curse than it is to weasel around it – I figure that’s why he’s using multiple layers of indirection here. He’s forbidden to set foot on dry land, but it’s technically not dry land (it’s a sandbar, a non-permanent landform exposed only at low tide) and he technically didn’t set foot on it (he’s standing in a bucket of water). It’s entirely possible that either one of those things alone wouldn’t make the grade.
okay but this all raises one further, very important question: if it’s specifically “dry land” he’s forbidden from, what about wetlands.
can Davy Jones fight you in salt marshes? can he throw down in a peat bog?Swamp Battle?
This is the quality content I come to Tumblr for.
could he step on land if his shoes are wet?
No matter how ridiculous PotC gets I will love it. Especially when it results in conversations like this
What if he crawls around on his hands and knees, with his feet raised slightly into the air? Can he walk on his hands? Can he ride around in a litter or a wheelchair?
can he be in a wheelbarrow?
What if he flies over dry land? Like in a hot air balloon, or in the claws of a giant bird?
What if he’s carried by two swallows using a strand of creeper?
European swallows or African swallows?
They could grip him by the tentacles.
wait, he’s only, like, ten feet away from the water, why would he not just stand there
-random applause that eventually encompasses the entire cafeteria -skipping classes to go to your friend’s lunch periods -”come with me i dont wanna go alone” -not knowing who you’re singing happy birthday for -“hey if i pay you will you go through the line and get me something” -knowing your id number so you can actually eat -only wearing your id during lunch period -that ONE security guard -”what’s even for lunch today” -HOLY FUCK IT’S CHICKEN NUGGET DAY -those girls who chill in the bathroom doing their makeup -fights = dinner AND a show -”hey what lunch do you have this year” “b” “damn i’m in c”
What the fuck does any of this mean why is there a security guard in your school what
How much longer until the utopic Solarpunk future where Capitalism is dead and we all live in ecologically sustainable high-tech forest cities? Asking for a friend.
Until we make those ecologically sustainable high-tech forest cities ourselves. It’s going to take a lot of us to do it though, so best to spread the word (and gather native tree seeds).
And, like, get started now. Then our “weirdo houses” will be the only thing functioning when everything falls apart!
The only reason why we don’t live in a solarpunk world right now is because no one has bothered to make it yet.
We’ll have to make it ourselves, and we’ll have to help each other make it. That’s why it is solarpunk.
Some resources to consider creating or joining or doing:
Repair cafes – create or join your local repair cafe! Repair stuff, learn how to repair stuff, teach others how to repair stuff.
Map of Makerspaces – make some things! learn how to make some things! teach others how to make some things!
Community Garden Map (note that this is US-only, and not a complete list) – join a local community garden
Learn some basics on passive solar design – clever use of the sun can create extremely energy efficient homes and buildings. You can use these principles to save on energy bills, even if you’re renting.
Free USDA Complete Guide to Home Canning, 2015 revision – cut down on personal food waste! Learn how to safely preserve food. Very useful if you suddenly harvest / purchase for crazy cheap in season / dumpster dive a ton of perishable food.
Donate to One Acre Fund, which provides training and capital to farmers (making them more productive and pulling them out of poverty) in various east African countries
Donate to Bridges to Prosperity, which provides technical expertise, money, and volunteers, to help local people build and maintain their own footbridges in extremely isolated rural areas
joining r/solarpunk, and sharing links/ideas/art/music with the community. Also, upvoting stuff for greater visibility. There’s over 900 members!
i cant believe its daylight savings time and i havent seen the “hello its me your cousin oskaar from iceland” video on my dash yet you are all slackers
i guess i have to do all the work around here dont i
How Can Star Wars Be So Good Even Though It’s So Deeply Flawed And Narratively Inconsistent And Was Created By A Dumbass
[picture of Marcia Lucas in the editing room]
Seriously, stop everything you’re doing for the next twenty minutes and watch this video:
Although “George Lucas” has become synonymous with “Star Wars,” it’s really his collaboration with – and occasionally intervention from – the creative team surrounding him that helped launch the first movie into the stratosphere.
As the video points out, the movie that won all those Academy Awards – including, critically, the one for editing – was sculpted into its best-known and deservingly praised form by the editing team of Marcia Lucas (seen above), Paul Hirsch and Richard Chew.
If you’re at all interested in filmmaking or specifically the making of Star Wars, I can’t recommend “How Star Wars was Saved in the Edit” enough.
from the video maker: “Hey everyone. In this current form our pro-collaboration message has been interpreted by many as anti-Lucas. That was never the goal, nor the intent of this video. It should go without saying that George Lucas supervised, approved, and even contributed to all of these editorial changes. However, having seen the response, this is a point of fact that clearly should’ve been stated and it was an oversight on my part that that simple acknowledgment wasn’t included. George Lucas made Star Wars with the help of incredible team of people and that is an achievement worth celebrating. -Joey”
You sure have seenthis post. It has spread like wildfire over the past few days so I doubt there is any artist out there who hasn’t seen it. But even if you didn’t, you should read on because I’m about to tell you a handy little thing that can help you to protect your art from such assholes as the anon who submitted this bullcrap, as well as art thieves in general.
The magic word is Metadata.
Metadata is like an invisible signature that is embeded into a file. It can contain all kinds of information, like Title, date, keywords for online seach engines, and copyright information. And the best thing is, since this information is “hidden” in the code of your picture, it’s hard to remove it.
There is a nice basic tutorial on how to add Metadata, or “additional file information” to your images in photoshop. It’s really, really easy so check it out!
I’m not sure if you can do the same with any other art program. If you know how to do this in other programs / can confirm that it works the same way there, please tell me so I can add the information to this post.
Adding the Metadata will not stop idiots from taking and reposting your art. It also won’t make them stop editing out your signature. It WILL however, help you prove that you are the original artist whenever you have to. Always remember my friends. You, the artist, are protected by law. No one has the right to take your intellectual property and hard work and repost, use or edit it without your permission. Ever.
art thief: well how can you prove its yours??
me: /opens metadata
I spread the word as it is important to all artist who ever suffered from art thieving or so.
You guys, metadata is super important, you guys. In an everday and legal sense. People legitimately look at and rely on metadata to know the basic, but important bits of information about a digital product (paintings, photographs, exe files, etc.), ESPECIALLY the source.
I’ll never not be amused by the fact that I can drop the words “crucifix nail nipples” into a conversation and some of you who have been with me since the livejournal days will join me in the flashbacks, screaming and crying all the way.
I require context. Because this is a very interesting start of a story, and now I need the rest of it. Could I get a link, or a summary, or something? Pretty please?
All right buckle the fuck up kids, it’s the year 2012 and I’ve just been handed what should be an easy editing gig by my senior editor. It’s a vampire erotica story because one of the final Twilight movies is about to come out, and everything is vampires. Everything. I haven’t edited a single thing in months which isn’t about vampires. I am ready, I can do this. So I open the file and notice there’s a typo in the title, which really should have been my first inkling that something horrendous was about to go down, but you see I’m not quite dead inside yet so I carry on, bushy tailed and bright eyed with my faith in humanity intact. It’ll be dead by page 24, but I don’t know that yet. I’m just editing one more vampire boner fest.
The MC is a girl who we’ll call Sue. Sue is a Good Girl™, Sue is Not Like Other Girls™, she is pale and awkward and a virgin and has somehow managed to find herself a Bad Boy™ for a boyfriend. We’ll call him Dickhead.
Now Dickhead as previously stated is a bit of dick, he tries to pressure Sue into sex because he knows she is The One™ but he loves her really so it’s okay. Except it’s not okay because Sue is a Good Girl™ and holding out till marriage which he’s fine with except he’s got such a bad case of blue balls that one night walking home an attractive stranger lures him into an alley with the words “hey stud” and he follows, dick out before she’s even finished her sentence. Well turns out that was a mistake for Dickhead because she’s a vampire, but not just any vampire, a Dick Biting Vampire. So what started out as a skeevy blow job behind a club that he’ll feel bad about in the morning, turns into him being bitten on the dick and drained of his life essence and left for dead. Except DBV fucked up and now he’s a vampire. Are you still with me? Good, cause it’s about to get weirder.
Realizing he is now an abomination, Dickhead flees, becoming a creature of the night and feeding on animals rather than humans to repent for being such an asshole in life. Sue meanwhile is heartbroken, but carries on valiantly with her life and goes to bed each night crying for the loss of her One True Love™ who she would do anything to bring back. Well guess what Sue, Dickhead never really left you! He’s been “instinctively protecting her from rapists” by hiding out on her roof and fighting hobos who try to get to her open window via the fire escape for months now. Because that’s not fucking terrifying at all.
Upon learning of his predicament and how it happened, Sue can do nothing but blame herself. Oh if only she’d let him touch her secret places, then perhaps all of this could be avoided! Meanwhile Dickhead is having another dilemma of his own, realizing too late that his vampire powers have given him super senses and now he can smell her blood and he can’t decide whether he wants to get with her or eat her. And I don’t mean in the French sense. But he is strong! And over comes his base manly vampire instincts and neither rapes not kills her. Hurrah! And this is so romantic that Sue gives it up, but not before she launches into a theory about how in all fairy tales, True Love saves the day, so maybe her magical pure vagina that has never been touched by anyone, not even her, can bring him back to life. So Dickhead being a dickhead agrees and rips her clothes off, but not before he takes one last moment to marvel at the beauty of her purity, because he will never again look on her again and know she is Pure.
If you’ve only vomited once by now, I applaud your resolve.
So they hop on the good foot and do the nasty, except she is literally so pure in spirit, her flesh burns his. And I quote you from memory because these words are burned into my soul: “her breasts bit into his hands, like crucifix nail nipples tearing at
his flesh, but he did not care because he loved her so and couldn’t
stop”
This phrase haunts me. I dread that it will be the last thing I think about on my death bed and my last words will literally be “god fucking dammit” as I die, carrying that mental image with me into the afterlife. My own solace is in knowing that I inflicted it on other people too, like @ahzuri who is somehow still with me after all these years.
When the magical burning sex fails to heal him and leaves her bruised, battered and broken with “a dainty blue bells of bruises around her secret flower” (I am genuinely quoting this, I could never make something as horrendous as this up without being on acid) Dickhead leaves. Yeah. Off he fucks, leaving her to the mercy of the hobos at her window, and into the night to be the true monster he really is. But wait, there’s more. Remember the dick biting vampire? Well turns out she has figured out she made him into a vampire and has also been stalking HIM and is totally jealous of Sue, so tries to kill her. But again Sues Purity saves her, because sex before marriage which was done out of True Love is not a sin, so she is still a spiritual virgin and I’ll be honest, I started drinking heavily at this point and it’s all a bit of a blur.
A fight ensues some pages later after Dickhead returns, realizing the mistake he has made. And he rescues Sue from the Dick Biter, but not before he assaults Dick Biter, and calls her a slut for luring innocent men into alleys cuts her heart out by cutting her breasts off, at which point i screamed “THAT’S NOT HOW YOU REACH THE HEART” and my brain short circuited completely and I have no idea how it ends because I realized there was 30 pages left and my soul couldn’t take it. I emailed the chief editor like ?????!!!!!!????!!!!!! and the book was immediately pulled from the work line and the author dismissed from the publishing house. Turns out she was a friend of a friend and that was how she got the manuscript past our entry levels for requirement.
And that’s the story of how an author sent me death threats for over a month because I stopped her shitty vampire porn from ever seeing the light of day. You’re all fucking WELCOME.
Sorry to bring this searing back into your lives fam, but I feel it’s worth noting that people are tagging this as an “ancient relic” of tumblr text posts and how they’re so happy they see this every year and like guys, I hate to tell you this, but uh, this post is only six months old. I posted in on March 3rd 2016.
It only seems like years because every time you see it you age five years.
This is maybe my favorite story ever…
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS POST ISN’T AT THE VERY LEAST 5 YEARS OLD??? HOW????
It’s like the reverse Dorian Gray of posts. Every day it exists on this hellsite the power within grows stronger while I wither and age with time.
You’re all just mere casualties to the warping of reality.
Also anyone claiming to have read this on LJ back in the days of yore is likely not being honest. I never wrote about Crucifix Nail Nipples publicly on LJ, it was a friends only locked post shared among a group of maybe 20 mutuals, most of whom I still talk and who are all pissing themselves laughing that this has come back to haunt me through my own folly.
And even then the post I DID share back on LJ, was vague as shit and didn’t go into detail because I had no desire to be fired for bitching about work online. Most of the horror was recounted directly over windows messenger to people like @ahzuri who could be relied upon to scream “What the Fuck” at all the right intervals while I had a minor breakdown over my workload.
Happily I now no longer suffer from such contractual restraints and you all get to suffer with me 🙂
But yea, no. Unless someone else was bitching about it publicly back in 2012 (and I know the other editor who worked on it got fired so it’s not impossible), you saw it here first on my tumblr early 2016.
Which god help me was honestly a simpler, more hopeful timeline than the one we’re currently in.
As for everyone else saying they know I hate this post, I don’t hate this post. How can I hate something that has given so many people both joy, horror and dare I even say it, hope, in equal measures. It has also brought many wonderful and amazing people into my life, so while I might be Tired, I’m not bitter, and I certainly don’t hate it. Any complaining you see me doing is largely amused exasperation at the fact that I was very nearly able to forget this story, and then I made it fucking more popular than if the book had actually been published. I played myself. Like a fool. And god help me I might be in perpetual vampire nipple hell over this post for the rest of my life, but I’ll be damned if I’m not taking all of you screaming with me.
Happy belated two year anniversary of me losing control of my life to this hellsite.
Please give me all the advice you have on writing cover letters. Like, the closer you can get to literally just writing a cover letter for me, the better. Ok bye.
This is how I did the one for my librarian position. I hope it helps.
Dear Person Hiring for this Job,
I am writing to ask you to consider me for X position. This is a paragraph about why I want to do X position in general. It includes at least one personal detail and at least one job skill I consider a particular strength. It argues that I am passionate about this career. It is not long.
I have had the opportunity to gain experience in this job by – paragraph about my work or study experience. It should go from most recent experience back. Include some details about your responsibilities/achievements in your most recent or most important positions. If you have mostly study experience, give more detail about what exactly you studied. If you shadowed people, mention that. If your work experience is largely unrelated, try to shoehorn some of it in (e.g. I gained experience working with people by). You can supplement with relevant hobbies. (But if you do have recent, relevant work experience, you should largely be detailing that. Only embroider the other stuff if you need to flesh it out.) This should be the longest paragraph.
I hope you will consider allowing me to do X thing at your company. This is a few sentences about why I want to work at your company in particular and what I think I could bring. Try to mention at least one detail from the company website, so they know you visited it. This is a short paragraph that parallels the first one.
Thank you very much for your time and attention.
Sincerely,
Person You Would Be a Fool Not to At Least Interview
oh my god thank you this is relevant to current interests
Two other points, to challenge what’s being said above a little:
1) Remember that the person reading this cover letter wants to know how you can contribute to the company. Not how excited you are about the position: it’s all about what they gain. Try framing the whole thing in that sense — “You would gain my X awesome skill that would help you Y with your mission.” “Here’s why I’m awesome and a great fit for making your company go better.”
2) At the end, ask for the interview. “I am available at PHONE NUMBER at your convenience. I look forward to speaking with you about this great opportunity soon.” Maybe even say you’ll be following up at a specific time and date. Ask for the job. People respond to that, and it’s a good way to fake confidence until you make it. Ask for the job.
Okay, three points. People reading cover letters get SO BORED going through them. Think about starting off with a story that relates to why you’re interested in the job, or that demonstrates a skill or a strong interest that would make you a good candidate. Be memorable — people remember stories, even (maybe especially) very little ones.
Sex worker friends here are some things you can do to reduce your risks of arrest, maintain your online presence to connect with clients and each other, and facilitate collective safety and support:
1. review your current technology safety practices and implement accessible and appropriate protocols.
-Stop using gmail, hotmail, wordpress to host your work email. Create a protonmail account which is offshore and secure and wont get shut down.
-Burner phones are best practice for work phones, if you can afford it.
-Encrypted file sharing can be done by downloading TOR and using OnionShare.
-SpiderOak is a secure alternative to Google Docs. (Download all your Google docs and delete it online if you haven’t already.)
-*****Download signal! **** Create a group thread with VETTED and TRUSTED sex workers you know. Start with some basic security rules. For example: everyone needs to password protect their phone to participate, be vouched for, don’t allow notifications on the home screen to include the actual messages, delete the app when doing international travel, and the thread needs to be killed and a new one created if someone’s phone is compromised (like if someone loses their phone or the phone is seized by law enforcement.)
-Get offshore and secure hosting and domain registries. I use OrangeWebsite.com for everything.
-Use formsite.com instead of Google forms if you need to collect info or do surveys, they’ve got security options.
-Banks are required by federal law to report cash deposits of $5,000 or more just fyi.
2. Plan for worse case scenarios, no matter how unlikely or remote the risk, for yourselves and each other:
-create bail funds and/or relief funds. (Ex: get 10 people together and make a vow to each put $20 into it each month just in case shit hits the fan for one of you and you can’t cover it on your own.)
-brush up on your legal rights when interacting with law enforcement.
3. Don’t do the work of our oppressors!
I’m seeing a lot of sex workers preemptively closing sex work related Facebook groups, folks are talking about taking down bad date lists, etc. We’ve got to keep these safety tools alive as much as we can, though of course keeping risks in mind. In the event that SESTA gets enacted and Facebook does change its terms of service to get rid of sex work related content the highly likely outcome will include: Facebook removing the content or closing the groups, maybe suspending individuals accounts. Its extremelllllllly unlikely that sex workers participating in those groups will face any legal risk (again, LE isn’t going to spend resources going after every sex worker.)
These federal agencies are banking on sex workers and businesses that facilitate sex work reacting out of fear to end sex work just as much as they are on doing that repression themselves.
-download any and all bad date lists that exist and put it on your computer
-make sure that you have alternatives means of communication with folks you know via the internet (like signal), especially with folks who work in isolation. Don’t let anyone get left behind.
rip tumblr 